All Jokes - Alphabetically
On the Job
Being A Parent
- Being a parent is like being pecked to death by a duck.
- Raising teenagers is a lot like nailing Jello to a tree.
- Money isn't everything but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
- Your life's "Golden Age" is the period in your
life when your kids are too old to require a babysitter and too
young to take the car.
- Shouting at your children to get cooperation is about the
same as steering your car using the horn...same results.
- To be in your children's memories tomorrow one must be in
their life today.
- The best advice regarding raising your children is to really
enjoy them while they are still on your side.
- A home's temperature is best maintained by warm hearts, not
cold words or hot heads.
- "The Joy of Motherhood": What a woman experiences
after she puts the last tyke to bed.
- Any child can tell you that the sole purpose of a middle
name is so that he or she can tell when they are REALLY in trouble.
- Your children may outgrow your lap...but NEVER your heart.
- God gave you two ears and only one mouth, so that you may
listen twice as much as you speak.
- The only true child experts are those that do not yet have
any of their own.
- Cleaning house with the children at home is a lot like snowblowing
during a blizzard.
- There are only two things that your child is absolutely willing
to share: Communicable Diseases and their mother's age.
- Remember this? "When you grow up and have children of
your own, I hope that they are JUST LIKE YOU!" It worked.
- True genetics have nothing to do with hair and eye color.
It's their occurrence of such things as "Who said life was
FAIR", and Because I SAID so!" when you SWORE you'd
never use those on your kids.
- Practice what you preach even covers never letting them see
you snag those Ding Dongs for breakfast.