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Kurt Vonnegut’s Commencement Address At MIT
Philosopical Jokes [Be sure to read the truth at the very end! This was possibly the first piece of Fake News to hit the young internet. ~ Milpitas Mom’s Favorite Jokes] Kurt Vonnegut: Ladies and gentlemen of the class of ’97: Wear sunscreen. If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now. Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your…
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Litter Problem Solved
A Milpitas Mom’s Favorite Joke. A few years ago, the City of Milpitas had a litter problem. A once-clean section of town had become an eyesore because people had stopped using the trash cans. There were cigarette butts, beer bottles, chocolate wrappers, newspapers and other trash littering the streets. Obviously, the sanitation department was concerned, so they sought ways to clean up the city. One idea was to double the littering fine from 25 dollars to 50 dollars for each offense. They tried this, but it had little effect. Another approach was to increase the number of litter-agents who patrolled the area. This was more of the same, that is,…
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Christmas Carol Quiz
These are the names of well-known Christmas caroles, rewritten in PC (pretty convoluted). If you like puzzles, try to decipher them. If not, just get a chuckle from matching up the translations! Place cursor over linked text and wait a second for the real title to appear. Or click on the hint, and a youtube will appear, playing the song. On an iPhone, click and hold on the linked lyrics, and you’ll just see the name of the real song. The songs aren’t random. They are my favorite recordings of these songs. Example: Heavenly beings at extreme altitudes my associates and I perceived auditory stimulus emanating from. Translation: “Angels we…
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Man Prays to Swap Life With His Wife
A Milpitas Mom’s Favorite Joke A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home educating their kids, so he prayed: “Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen.” God, in His infinite wisdom, granted the man’s wish. The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a his wife, and she as him. He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, fed them breakfast, homeschooled them…
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God is Missing. We’re in Trouble!
Religious Jokes Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous. They are always getting into trouble and their parents know all about it. If any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved. The boys’ mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually. So the mother sent the 8 year old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon. The preacher, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down…
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Siren Sounds-Police Blotter Humor
Milpitas Jokes These are really true! From the Milpitas Post’s Police Blotter. April 9, 1998 No Second Chances For Alleged Shoe Thief After allegedly stealing a pair of shoes from Mervyn’s Department Store, a suspected thief wore them when he made a return visit to the store March 30 at 8:30 p.m. According to officers, the suspect was not happy with the stolen shoes and exchanged them for a more comfortable pair. Security then stopped the man as he tried to walk out of the store without paying for the shoes. Police arrested Mark Allen Cameron, 36, of Milpitas on suspicion of theft. [I guess the suspect heard that Mervyn’s…
