You’ll need the following:
- a cup of water (A history of the Hetch Hetchy.)
- a cup of sugar (A history of sugar cane.)
- four large brown eggs
- two cups of dried fruit
- a teaspoon of salt
- a cup of brown sugar
- lemon from your neighbor’s tree
- nuts from last walnut grove on Piedmont Rd.
- a bottle of whiskey.
Sample the whiskey to check for quality.
Take a large bowl. Put it down somewhere.
Check the whiskey again.
To be sure it’s the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.
Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in that large, fluffy bowl.
Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again.
Make sure the whiskey is still okay.
Cry another tup.
Turn off the mixer! It’s splattered dough everywhere!
Mix on the tuner.
If the fired druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Okay.. Next, sift two cups of salt… or something.
Check the whiskey.
Grease the oven.
Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees.
Don’t forget to beat off the turner.
Check the whishkey again.
Real Fruit Cake Recipes
My apologies to all those who came here from a search engine expecting a real fruit cake recipe. Here are some real fruit cake recipe sites…
- Alaskan Sourdough Fruitcake
- Alfonso’s Loft: Specialty Fruitcake
- AllRecipes.com: Unbaked Fruit Cake
- Buttermilk Pecan Fruitcake
- Brazil Nut Fruit Cake – Texas
- Carrot Fruit Cake
- Christmas Cake (Diabetic)
- Christmas Recipes: Fruitcake
- Chocolate Fruitcake
- Creole Christmas Fruitcake
- European-style Fruit Cake (in Metric Measurements)
- Feast Day Fruit Cake
- Fiesta Fruitcake
- Fruit Cake Cookies
- Fruit Cake without Nuts
- Fruitcake Fundamentals
- Healthy Low Fat Fruit Cake
- Holiday Fruit Cake from Quaker Oats
- Lowfat, Vegetarian Fruit Cake
- Marigot Bay Fruit Cake with Tropical Icing
- Old Fashioned Fruitcake
- Old World Fruit Cake
- Stained Glass Cake
- Vegan Fruitcake
- Wedding Fruit Cake 50 servings
- White Chocolate Fruitcake
- White Fruit Cake
Note to those wondering why a “booze” joke is on a community website
To those in the Temperance Union: You will notice, if you go through the links on my page, that links for “whiskey” lead to information about the Whiskey Rebellion, the Temperance Movement, the dangers of drinking, and how the distillation of whiskey influenced American and Canadian history, and that the last link to “Throw up…” is to Alcoholics Anonymous 🙂
Sometimes a bit of humor can help a family that is in denial find the resources they need to cope with alcoholism, and get help. I find it does a better job of getting people to AA than attempting to lecture.
You’ll find I do this a lot on my site: just gently persuade adults and children to look a little deeper into matters, but with a gentle, gloved hand and a light heart.