Highs and Lows of Wearing Face Masks
Due to the order to wear face masks, some humorous observations have been made:
My gawd! Enough with the face mask selfies!
I’m wearing a bra today but as a face mask.
Ripping off your face mask when you get back in the car is the new taking off your bra when you get home.
An added benefit of wearing a mask is that men on the street no longer tell me to smile.
I was smiling at people the other day at the store until I realized I didn’t have to and it was a magical moment.
According to my bathroom scale, my face mask weighs about 7 pounds.
Shoutout to everybody who already burped into their own face via mask.
I do NOT expect people to jog with their mask on, just to keep their distance. Can’t have people dropping like flies from their own morning breath.
My ears are currently carrying sunglasses, headphones, and a face mask. Ears are now a purse!
I wish I was smart enough to realize the worst idea is to carefully apply red lipstick before putting on a mask. Not one person saw my lipstick & when I took the mask off I look like I had feverishly blew someone I liked. Which brought up other feelings.
From now on I’m always going to wear a mask to the grocery store, I prefer a disguise when purchasing obscene amounts of junk food.
How will the world see my blush when i have a mask on?
“I’m not working out with a mask on” is my new favorite excuse for not working out.
COVID Parenting Tip: Train your children to loudly ask, “Why isn’t that person wearing a mask? Are we going to get sick?” when in public.
The upside about a face mask is it catches your snot when you’re outside and your nose is running because you forgot to take your antihistamine.
Do you think maskless runners in Manhattan look at toddlers wearing masks and think “Thank you for wearing a mask so I don’t have to?”
I keep seeing couples where the woman is wearing a face mask and the man isn’t, even in the supermarket. That’s all. Thank you for listening to my feminist manifesto.
me: *putting on mask*
wife: “heading out?”
me: “changing a diaper!”
I just removed my mask to sneeze into my sleeve. Am I doing this right?
When I wear my face mask I like to think I look like a ninja. A tired, stressed, and vacant eyed ninja.
I just find it funny that the same people who refuse to wear masks in public are the same ones who insist we cover our babies with a hot blanket to breast feed.
Every time I get pissed about everything happening I make masks.
I’ve never worn a mask before, and it’s becoming comfortable, like a warm blanket of stay-the-hell-away-from-me!
“To accommodate anti-maskers,” reads a store sign, “We have provided a space 40 feet west where you can stare at your reflection in the window since apparently you’re the only person you care about.”
A vintage store in Arizona is going viral for its ominous sign warning guests about wearing masks while inside. “If you choose not to wear a mask, we respectfully ask that you postpone your visit,” the sign reads. “We will be happy to debate the efficacy of masks with you when this is all over and you come in to sell your dead grandmother’s clothes.”
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Carttons from the New Yorker on July 2, 2020.
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A Milpitas Mom’s Favorite Joke.