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You Know You Live in Milpitas When…
Computing Jokes & Milpitas Jokes You make over $250,000 and still can’t afford a house. You see nothing but expensive cars because of <above>. You have more bandwidth in your apartment or condo than most major universities. Your commute time is 45 minutes and you live 8 miles from work. You see a billboard that says “FGPA2ASIC” and aren’t fazed. You stop asking how much things cost and start asking “How long will it take?” The fastest part of your commute is down your driveway. You don’t understand how the FasTrak work because you normally don’t commute during those hours. You take a bus and are shocked at 2 people…
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Covid-19 is making me crack up!
Covid Jokes Covid-19 is making me crack up! Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem. I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I’m cracking a safe. I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator. Still haven’t decided where to go for Passover/Easter—– The Living Room or The Bedroom Public Service Announcement: Every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom. Homeschooling is going well. 2 students…
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Night Before Christmas for Mom
T’was the night before Christmas, in a Milpitas abode, Only one creature was stirring, and she was cleaning the commode. The children were finally sleeping, all snug in their beds, While visions of iPads and Baby Sharks flipped through their heads. The dad was snoring in front of the TV, With a half-constructed bicycle on his knee. Our homeschooling mom heard the reindeer hooves clatter, Which made her sigh, “Now what’s the matter?” With toilet bowl brush still clutched in her hand, She descended the stairs, and saw the old man. He was covered with ashes and soot, which fell with a shrug. “Oh great,” muttered the mom, “Now I…
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Being A Parent
Milpitas Mom’s Favorite Joke about Family Life and Parenting Being a parent is like being pecked to death by a duck. Raising teenagers is a lot like nailing Jello to a tree. Money isn’t everything but it sure keeps the kids in touch. Your life’s “Golden Age” is the period in your life when your kids are too old to require a babysitter and too young to take the car. Shouting at your children to get cooperation is about the same as steering your car using the horn…same results. To be in your children’s memories tomorrow one must be in their life today. The best advice regarding raising your children…
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Ten Simple Rules For Dating My Daughter
A Milpitas Mom Favorite Joke Rule One : If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure not picking anything up. Rule Two : You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter’s body, I will remove them. Rule Three : I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys your age to wear their trousers so loose that they appear to be falling off. Please don’t take this as an…
