Tag: <span>Halloween</span>

About a 100 Halloween Riddles to tickle your Funny Bone.

Ghost Riddles

Why do ghosts go on diets? So they can keep their ghoulish figures
Where does a ghost go on vacation? Mali-boo.
Why did the ghost go into the bar? For the Boos.
What is in a ghost’s nose? Boo-gers.
Why did the policeman ticket the ghost on Halloween? It didn’t have a haunting license.
Why do demons and ghouls hang out together? Because demons are a ghoul’s best friend!
What does a panda ghost eat? Bam-BOO!
What’s a ghost’s favorite dessert? I-Scream!
Why can’t the boy ghost have babies? Because he has a Hallo-weenie.
How do ghosts wash their hair? With shamboo.
What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog? He is mist.
What room does a ghost not need? A living room.
What position does a ghost play in hockey? Ghoulie.
What kinds of pants do ghosts wear? Boo-jeans.
What instrument does a skeleton play? The trombone.
Where do baby ghosts go during the day? Dayscare centers!
What is a ghost’s nose full of? Boooooogers!
What do ghosts wear when their eyesight gets blurred? Spooktacles.
Who did the scary ghost invite to his party? Any old friend he could dig up!
Where do ghosts go on holidays? The Boohamas.
What did one ghost recommend to the other? Get a life!
Where do fashionable ghosts shop? Bootiques.
Where do ghosts like to travel on vacation? The Dead Sea!
What do skeletons fly around in? A scareplane or a skelecopter.
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Boo. Boo who? Don’t cry! I didn’t mean to scare you.
Why are ghosts so bad at telling lies? Because you can see right through them.
What did the mother ghost say to the baby ghost as they drove down the street? Buckle your sheet belt!
What do you call a dancing ghost? Polka-haunt-us.
Why do ghosts hate when it rains on Halloween? It dampens their spirits.
Why do ghosts make the best cheerleaders? Because they have spirit.
What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost? Bamboo.
Why do ghosts love going to Six Flaggs? Because they can ride lots of roller-GHOST-ers.
What is a ghost’s favourite meal? Spook-ghetti.
What do female ghosts use to do their makeup? Vanishing Cream!

Ghouls’ & Monsters’ Riddles

Why do demons and ghouls hang out together? Because demons are a ghouls best friend!
What do demons eat for breakfast? Deviled eggs.
What’s the best way to get rid of a demon? Exorcise a lot.
What does an evil hen lay? Deviled eggs.
What’s a ghoul’s favourite bean? A human bean.
Why did the headless horseman go into business? He wanted to get ahead in life.
What monster plays tricks on Halloween? Prank-enstein!
Why does Frankenstein’s Monster always finish his dinner first? Because he bolts it down.
What’s big, scary and has three wheels? A monster riding a tricycle!
What goes “Ha-ha-ha-ha!” right before a gigantic sounding crash and then keeps laughing? A monster laughing it’s head off!
Who do monsters buy cookies from? Ghoul scouts.
What kind of monster is the best dancer? The boogieman.
How do monsters like their eggs? Terror-fried.
What do you call female bullies? Mean ghouls.
How does a race between ghouls begin? Ready, set,… ghoul!

Graveyard Riddles

Why is a cemetery a great place to write a story? Because there are so many plots there!
Why are graveyards so noisy? Because of all the coffin.
Why couldn’t Dracula’s wife get to sleep? Because of his coffin.
What’s it called when a vampire has trouble with his house? A grave problem.
Have you heard how popular the local cemetery is? People are just dying to get in.
Why are there fences around cemeteries? Because people are dying to get in.
The maker of this product does not want it, the buyer does not use it, and the user does not see it. What is it? A coffin.
What do you give a vampire when he’s sick? Coffin-drops.
Where is the best place to party on Halloween? The g-RAVE-yard.
What is a recess at a mortuary called? A Coffin Break!
How do you get inside a locked cemetery at night? Use a Skeleton Key to unlock the gates!
Did you hear about the chopper that crashed in the cemetery? Search and rescue workers have recovered 100 bodies and expect that number to climb as digging continues.

Halloween Riddles

What type of plants do well on all Hallow’s Eve? Bam-BOO!
When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat? If you are a mouse.
What time is it when the clock strikes 13? Time to get a new clock.
How do ghosts search the Web? They use ghoul-gle.
Why didn’t the coffee bean go to the Halloween party? Because it was grounded.
Why are all of Superman’s costumes tight? They’re all size S.

Haunted House Riddles

What happened to the man who didn’t pay his exorcist? The house was repossessed.
What goes around a haunted house and never stops? A fence.
How does a vampire enter his house? Through the bat flap!
What’s it called when a vampire has trouble with his house? A grave problem.
What do you call a chicken that haunts your house? A poultrygeist.

Mummy Riddles

Why don’t mummies take time off? They’re afraid to unwind.
What kind of music do mummies like listening to on Halloween? Wrap music.
Why don’t mummies have friends? Because they’re too wrapped up in themselves.
Why did the baby wrap itself in white cloth strips? It was just trying to be just like its mummy.

Pumpkin Riddles

Who helps the little pumpkins cross the road safely? The crossing gourd.
How do you fix a cracked pumpkin? A pumpkin patch.
What does a pumpkin like to read? Pulp fiction.
What do you call a fat pumpkin? A plumpkin.
Why do Jack-o-lanterns have wicked smiles? Because they just had their brains scooped out!

Skeleton Riddles

Why do skeletons have low self-esteem? They have no body to love.
Know why skeletons are so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin.
What do you call a cleaning skeleton? The grim sweeper.
What do skeletons order at a restaurant? Spare ribs.
Why didn’t the skeleton go to school? His heart wasn’t in it.
Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance? Because he had no “body” to dance with.
Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road? He didn’t have the guts.
The skeleton couldn’t help being afraid of the storm—he just didn’t have any guts.
The skeleton didn’t mind that everyone called him a bonehead.
Why did the skeleton climb up the tree? Because a dog was after his bones!
What’s a skeleton’s favorite instrument? A sax-a-bone.
The skeleton canceled the gallery showing of his skull-ptures because his heart wasn’t in it.
What type of plates do skeletons like to use? Bone china.
Why are skeletons so good at chopping down trees? They’re LUMBARjacks!
The skeleton decided to bone up on the facts for the big exam.
Who won the skeleton beauty contest? No body.
Every Sunday, the skeleton plays his organ for the congregation.
The favored historical ruler of skeletons is none other than Napoleon Bone-a-part.
The skeleton knew what would happen next—he could just feel it in his bones.
The skeleton ordered a cabernet wine with a full body because he didn’t have one.
I wanted to tell a skeleton pun, but I don’t have the guts for it.
When is a skeleton joke bad? When you don’t find it humerus.

Trick or Treat Riddles

What treat do eye doctors give out on Halloween? Candy corneas.
What did the little boy say when she had to choose between a tricycle and candy? Trike or Treat!
What candy do you eat on the playground? Recess pieces.
What do birds say on Halloween? Twick or Tweet!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Phillip! Phillip who? Phillip my bag with Halloween candy, please!
What did the fisherman say on Halloween? Trick or trout.
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Howl! Howl who? Howl you know unless you open the door!
Where do ghosts like to trick-or-treat? Dead ends.
Knock, Knock… Who’s there? Ben! Ben who? Ben waiting to get candy all day!
What did the girl horse dress up as for Halloween? A night mare.
What Halloween candy should you give trick-or-treaters if you want them to think you’re rich? A 100 grand candy bar

Vampire Riddles

What did the snowman and the vampire name their baby? Frostbite.
Why did the Vampire read The New York Times? He heard it had great circulation.
How do vampires get around on Halloween? On blood vessels.
What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire? It’s a pain in the neck.
How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery? All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts.
What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite.
Why did the vampire need mouthwash? Because he had bat breath.
Why don’t vampires have more friends? Because they are a pain in the neck.
What do you give a vampire when he’s sick? Coffin-drops.
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit? A blood orange.
What kind of dog does Dracula have? A blood hound.
Where do vampires keep their money? The blood bank.
What kind of tests do vampires give their students? Blood tests.
What would be the national holiday for a nation of vampires? Fangs-giving!
Knock Knock! Who’s there? Cement. Cement who? Cement to scream when she saw Dracula but she fainted instead!
What did one thirsty vampire say to the other as they were passing the morgue? Let’s stop in for a cool one!
What is a vampire’s pet peeve? A Tourniquet!
How does a vampire enter his house? Through the bat flap!
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit? A neck-tarine.
Why didn’t the vampire attack Taylor Swift? Because she had bad blood.
How do vampires start their letters? “Tomb it may concern…”
What is it called when Dracula rearranges his furniture with his teeth? Fang-shui
What do you call a really good vampire riddle? Fangastic.

Witch Riddles

What do you call a witch’s garage? A broom closet.
What kind of food would you find on a haunted beach? A sand-witch!
What was the witch’s favorite subject in school? Spelling.
What do you call two witches who live together? Broom-mates!
What’s a witch’s favorite makeup? Ma-scare-a.
What does a witch use to do her hair? Scarespray!
What do you call a witch who goes to the beach? A sand-witch.
Why was the broom late? It over swept.
What sound do witches make when they eat cereal? Snap, Cackle & Pop!
Knock, Knock… Who’s there? Witch! Witch who? Witch one of you will give me lots of Halloween candy?
What did the boy say to his bewitching girl friend? “You’ve got me under your spell.”

Zombie Riddles

Why did the zombie skip school? He felt rotten.
What is a zombie’s favorite thing to eat? Brain food.
What’s a zombie’s favorite cereal? Rice Creepies.
How do you know vampires love baseball? They turn into bats every night.

A Milpitas Mom’s Favorite Joke.

Everyone check on your friends.

We have a rider down 😉
Happy October
Public Safety is our Priority

A Milpitas Mom’s Favorite Joke.

A Milpitas Mom’s Favorite Joke.

• Give away something other than candy. (Toothpicks, golf balls, bags of sand, etc.)
• Wait behind the door until some people come. When they get near the door, jump out, wearing a costume, and holding a bag, and yell, “Trick or Treat!” Look at them, scratch your head, and act confused.
• Fill a briefcase with marbles and crackers. Write on it,”Top Secret” in big letters. When trick-or-treaters come, look around suspiciously, say, “It’s about time you got here!” Give them the briefcase, and quickly shut the door.
• Get about 30 people to wait in your living room. When trick-or-treaters come to the door, say, “Come in.” When they do, have everyone yell, “Surprise!!!” Act like it’s a surprise party.
• Get everyone who comes to the door to come in and see if they can figure out what’s wrong with your dishwasher. Insist that it makes an unnatural “whirring” sound.
• After you give them candy, hand the trick-or-treaters a bill.
• Open the door dressed as a giant fish. Immediately collapse, and don’t move or say anything until the trick-or-treaters go away.
• When you answer the door, hold up one candy bar, throw it out into the street, and yell, “Crawl for it!”
• When you answer the door, look at the trick-or-treaters, act shocked and scared, and start screaming your head off. Slam the door and run around the house, screaming until they go away.
• Insist that the trick-or-treaters each do ten push-ups before you give them any candy.
• Hand out menus to the trick-or-treaters and let them order their candy. Keep asking if anyone wants to see the wine list.
• Get a catapult. Sit on your porch and catapult pumpkins at anyone who comes within 50 yards of your house.
• When people come to the door, jump out a nearby window, crashing through the glass, and run as far away from your house as you can.
• Answer the door dressed as a pilgrim. Stare at the trick-or-treaters for a moment, pretend to be confused, and start flipping through calendar.
• Instead of candy, give away colored eggs. If anyone protests, explain that the eggs are the only thing you had left over from Easter.
• Answer the door dressed as a dentist. Angrily give the trick-or-treaters a two-hour lecture on tooth decay.
• Answer the door with a mouthful of M & M’s and several half-eaten candy bars in your hands. Act surprised, and close the door. Open it again in a few seconds, and insist that you don’t have any candy.
• Hand out cigarettes and bottles of aspirin.
• Put a crown on a pumpkin and put the pumpkin on a throne on your porch. Insist that all of the trick-or-treaters bow before the pumpkin.
• Dress up like a bunny rabbit. Yell and curse from the moment you open the door, and angrily throw the candy at the trick-or-treaters. Slam the door when you’re finished.

Find out what fun things are going on in Milpitas to celebrate Halloween or the Fall.