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Tag: <span>Men Jokes</span>

Fishermen Catch A Mermaid

Three dads from Milpitas were out having a relaxing day fishing at Spring Lake, in Ed Levin County Park, when one of them hooks something big, and when his buddies help him haul it in, they discover it’s a mermaid. She begs to be set free and promises to grant each of them one wish in return.

The UCSC Extension professor just doesn’t believe it and says: “Ok, if you can really grant wishes, then double my I.Q.”

The mermaid says: “Done.” Suddenly, he starts reciting Shakespeare flawlessly and analyzing it with extreme insight.

The BioVision scientist is so amazed he says to the mermaid: “Triple my I.Q.”

The mermaid says: “Done.” The guy starts to spout out all the mathematical solutions to problems that have been stumping all the scientists of varying fields: biology, physics, chemistry, and so on.

The Cisco software engineer is so enthralled with the changes in his friends that he says to the mermaid: “Quintuple my I.Q.”

The mermaid looks at him and says: “You know, I normally don’t try to change people’s minds when they make a wish, but I really wish you’d reconsider.”

The guy says: “Nope, I want you to increase my I.Q. times five, and if you don’t do it, I won’t set you free.”

“Please,” says the mermaid “You don’t know what you’re asking … it’ll change your entire view of the universe … won’t you ask for something else? … a million dollars, long life, sex appeal … anything?”

But no matter what the mermaid said, the third guy insisted on having his I.Q. increased by five times its usual power. So the mermaid sighed and said: “Done.”

He’s now a mom.

A Milpitas Mom’s Favorite Joke.

Man Prays to Swap Life With His Wife

A Milpitas Mom’s Favorite Joke

Cartoon of Man Praying

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home educating their kids, so he prayed:

“Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen.”

God, in His infinite wisdom, granted the man’s wish. The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a his wife, and she as him.

He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, fed them breakfast, homeschooled them in English and Math, put them all in the car and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping, then drove home to put away the groceries, pay the bills and balance the check book.

He cleaned the cat’s litter box and bathed the dog. Then it was already 1:00 p.m. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor. Taught the kids Science and Social Studies.

At 3:30 p.m. he dropped one child off at a scout meeting, another at soccer practice and the third at piano lessons, then went home and set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.

At 6:30 p.m. he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper. After supper he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed.

At 9:00 p.m. he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren’t finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.

The next morning he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said, “Lord, I don’t know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife’s being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back.”

The Lord, in His infinite wisdom, replied, “My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. You’ll just have to wait nine months, though…

……

You got pregnant last night.”