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On the Job Jokes – Milpitas Mom’s Favorite Jokes
Bad Mistakes On Resumes “Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer science, curses in accounting.” Buzzword Bingo My attention span at meetings has improved dramatically. Equal Employment Opportunity Help Wanted. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and MUST be bilingual. Planning the Company Holiday Party I’m happy to inform you that the office Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the banquet room at Luigi’s Open Pit Barbecue. Top 21 Signs That You Work in Milpitas Cleaning up the dining area means getting the fast food bags out of the back seat of your car. When Riding a Dead…
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Top 21 Signs That You Work in Milpitas
21. Cleaning up the dining area means getting the fast food bags out of the back seat of your car. 20. Your reason for not staying in touch with family is that they don’t have email addresses. 19. Keeping up with news entails adding the Go Milpitas! homepage to your bookmarks. 18. You have a “to do list” that includes entries for lunch and bathroom breaks and they are usually the ones that never get crossed off. 17. You have actually faxed your Christmas list to your parents. 16. Pick up lines now include a reference to liquid assets and capital gains. 15. You consider 2nd day Air Delivery and…
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How many HR Staff Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb?
One actual HR staff member to change the light bulb. The second to assess the risk of the light bulb changing process. A third to ensure the light bulb changing process adheres to the internal compliance regime for health and safety during light bulb changes. A fourth to ensure that the internal purchase order procedures have been adhered with for light bulb change orders. A fifth to audit the supply of the light bulb following the internal purchase order procedure. A sixth to report back to the compliance and risk functions that the supply and audit divisions had complied with the light bulb change risk and compliance procedures. A seventh…
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Buzzword Bingo
For those of you who attend a lot of meetings, this should make those meetings go faster! If you don’t attend lots of meetings, I bet you can still play! How to play: Simply tick off any 5 words heard in any one meeting from the following list and shout out BINGO! It’s that easy! And, golly, is it fun! List of Buzzwords: Synergy Proactive, not Reactive Win-Win Situation Think Outside the Box Take That Offline On the Same Page Brand/branding/branded/brandized At the end of the day Client-Focused Strategic Fit Gap Analysis Best Practice The Bottom Line Core Business Lessons Learned Touch Base Revisit Game Plan Bandwidth Hardball In the…
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Bad Mistakes On Resumés
Here are some real-life examples of bad mistakes on resumés: “My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable.” “Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer science, curses in accounting.” “Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Milpitas chain store.” “Personal: Married, 1992 Chevrolet.” “I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.” “I am a rabid typist.” “Created a new market for pigs by processing, advertising and selling a gourmet pig mail order service on the side.” “Exposure to German for two years, but many words are not appropriate for business.” “Proven ability to track…
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Equal Employment Opportunity
A Milpitas business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window, stating the following: “Help Wanted. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and MUST be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer.” A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined a bit. Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he…
