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No Cookies, No Candy, No Gum
Women Jokes A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three year old girl in her basket. As they passed the cookie section, the child asked for cookies and her mother told her “no.” The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, “Now Ellen, we just have half of the aisles left to go through; don’t be upset. It won’t be long.” He passed the Mother again in the candy aisle. Of course, the little girl began to shout for candy. When she was told she couldn’t have any, she began to cry. The mother said, “There, there, Ellen, don’t cry.…
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Milk With A Little Coffee In It
Milpitas Jokes This story takes a little background; the names have been changed to protect the guilty. Ian works in a little coffee, chai, and sandwich place in Milpitas. Peter is his boss and the owner of the shop, and yes, this actually happened. Ian is telling the story. A special presentation of the “Stupid Award” goes to this customer. Below is an approximate conversation with her. Customer: Yes, I’d like a milk with some coffee in it. Ian: So, that’s just a splash of coffee in a milk? Customer: No, a regular amount of milk, but not coffee. Ian: Is there more milk or coffee? Customer: Oh, definitely more…
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Where’s Waldo? Social Distancing Edition
Covid Jokes “When I saw the cartoon today, it made me think of how the things we took for granted as a child back then are no longer considered “SAFE.” Not just from an environmental standpoint, but from simple things like social gatherings. I never thought I would live to see the day when the whole country would be in such a state of affairs as exists now with the COVID-19 virus.” A Milpitas Mom’s Favorite Joke.
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Letter From A Scout
Dear Mom, Our scout master told us all write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and worried. We are OK. Only 1 of our tents and 2 sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Chad when it happened. Oh yes, please call Chad’s mother and tell her he is OK. He can’t write because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search & rescue jeeps. It was neat. We never would have found him in the dark if it hadn’t been for the lightning. Scoutmaster Webb got…
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In Memory of Those Who Died in the Service
Religious Jokes One Sunday morning, the pastor, Ole, noticed little Andy was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of a Milpitas church. It was covered with names, and small American flags were mounted on either side of it. The seven-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the boy, and said quietly, “Good morning Andy.” “Good morning Father,” replied the young boy, still focused on the plaque. “Father Ole, what is this?” Andy asked. “Well, son, it’s a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service.” Soberly, they stood together,…
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How Milpitans Do It
Milpitas Jokes Finding Good Deals in Milpitas: Sign in a Milpitas gas station: Coke — 49 cents. Two for a dollar! How Milpitas Clerks Check For Valid VISA Cards: I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature on the credit card with the signature I just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her. She…
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Hacker Barbie®
Computing Jokes Barbie introduces a ‘Game Developer’ doll, Hacker Barbie, and she’s even cooler than you thought. Feminist Hacker Barbie the latest in their new line of Barbie® products, the “Hacker Barbie<®.” These new dolls will be released next month. The aim of these dolls is to negate the stereotype that women are numerophobic, computer-illiterate, and academically challenged. This new line of Barbie® dolls comes equipped with Barbie’s very own X-terminal and UNIX documentation as well as ORA’s “In a Nutshell” series. The Barbie® clothing includes a dirty button-up shirt and a pair of well-worn jeans. Accessories include a Casio all-purpose watch, and glasses with lenses thick enough to set…
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An Educator Goes to Milpitas
A beautiful, blond educator gets on an airplane and sits down in first class. The stewardess notices her ticket is for the coach section so she approaches the educator and asks her to move back to the coach section. The educator replies, “I’m educated and I’m beautiful and I’m going to Milpitas.” The stewardess explains, “That’s fine m’am, but you did not pay for a first class ticket and I need to ask you to move to your assigned seat in the coach section.” The educator again replies with a big smile, “I’m educated and I’m beautiful and I’m going to Milpitas.” The stewardess again tries to explain by saying,…
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Buzzword Bingo
For those of you who attend a lot of meetings, this should make those meetings go faster! If you don’t attend lots of meetings, I bet you can still play! How to play: Simply tick off any 5 words heard in any one meeting from the following list and shout out BINGO! It’s that easy! And, golly, is it fun! List of Buzzwords: Synergy Proactive, not Reactive Win-Win Situation Think Outside the Box Take That Offline On the Same Page Brand/branding/branded/brandized At the end of the day Client-Focused Strategic Fit Gap Analysis Best Practice The Bottom Line Core Business Lessons Learned Touch Base Revisit Game Plan Bandwidth Hardball In the…
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COVID advice for Geeks
Covid Jokes COVID advice from Silicon Valley County Health Department, which has been sending out advice in many languages. Seems appropriate they also send it out in code! A Milpitas Mom’s Favorite Joke.
