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A Recap of the First Three Weeks with Covid-19
Covid Jokes Here’s a recap of the last three weeks, courtesy of Peter Lengsfelder: A RECAP OF THE LAST THREE WEEKS AMERICA: Oh my god! Coronavirus! What should we do? CALIFORNIA: Shut down your state. AMERICA: Wait… what? Why? CALIFORNIA: Because 40 million people live here and we did it early, and it’s working. OHIO: Whoa… whoa… let’s not be hasty now. The president said that this whole coronavirus thing is a democratic hoax. CALIFORNIA: He also said that windmills cause cancer. Shut down your state. TEXAS: But the president said that there are only 15 cases and soon there will be zero. CALIFORNIA: The president can’t count to fifteen.…
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Covid-19 is making me crack up!
Covid Jokes Covid-19 is making me crack up! Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem. I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I’m cracking a safe. I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator. Still haven’t decided where to go for Passover/Easter—– The Living Room or The Bedroom Public Service Announcement: Every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom. Homeschooling is going well. 2 students…
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Easter Egg Hunt on GoMilpitas
A virtual Easter Egg Hunt just for Milpitas kids 5-95 has ended for Easter 2020 on GoMilpitas.com! Watch for the 2021 egg hunt next spring. I will start with a clue on this post, which will hint at the topic on another GoMilpitas.com post. Each egg you find will have the clue to where the next egg is hidden. If the clue doesn’t help, I will be tagging each page with “Easter Egg Hunt” so you will see the list of all the pages. But for the fun of it, try doing it with just the hints. I will also post the clues in the Facebook GoMilpitas Group, and those…
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Neil Diamond vs CDC on Hands, Touching Hands
Covid Jokes Neil Diamond: Hands, CDC: Yes, wash them for at least 20 seconds. Neil Diamond: touching hands, CDC: No! Please don’t touch hands! Neil Diamond: reaching out… CDC: Avoid that, too! Neil Diamond: touching me… CDC: Oh, Hell! Neil Diamond: Touching You! CDC: Milpitas is doomed :/ Neil Diamond sings “Sweet Caroline” with updated lyric for safety during Covid-19 pandemic. Stay safe out there! Coronavirus COVID-19 Updates for Milpitas As the Coronavirus COVID-19 has hit our city and county particularly hard, I will use this post to keep you updated on important information you will need right here in town. Some posts here will be updated with extra links…
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San Francisco Bay Area and Silicon Valley Adventure Clubs
Do you believe that outdoor adventure is of huge benefit to our community and society in general? It is our aim to promote community well-being and social cohesion while encouraging healthy lifestyles and environmental awareness. Absolute Adventures GPS Scavenger Hunts, Sailing Regattas, Wine Tasting, Culinary Team Building, Mind-Bending Treasure Hunts and so much more! Bay Area Outdoor Adventure Club The bay area’s only activity club where you can do something different every weekend! Try new sports and get to know other bay area adventurers in a fun Club environment. Outback Adventures A comprehensive outdoor guide service, rental shop, kayak and nordic ski specialty retailer located in Saratoga and Larkspur. Outdoor…
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Official Market Forecast
Money Jokes Sales and income figures show an easing up of the rate at which business is easing off. This can be taken as ample proof of the government’s contention that there’s a slowing-up of the slow-down. Now to clarify that, it should be noted that the slowing-up of the slow-down is not as good as an upturn in the down-turn. Also, it suggests that the climate’s about right for an adjustment of the readjustment to rate structures. Now, turning specifically to rates. We find a very definite decrease in the rate of increase. This clearly shows there should be a letting up of the letdown. Of course, if the…
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Martha Stewart Holiday Calendar
December 1 Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey. Spray paint gold, turn upside down and use as a sleigh to hold Christmas Cards. December 2 Have Cantabile Children’s Choir record outgoing Christmas message for answering machine. December 3 Using candlewick and hand-gilded, miniature pine cones, fashion cat-o-nine-tails. Flog Gardener. December 4 Repaint St. Elizabeth Catholic Church‘s ceiling in ecru, with mocha trim. December 5 Get new eyeglasses. Grind lenses myself. December 6 Fax family Christmas newsletter to Pulitzer committee for consideration. December 7 Debug Windows ’10. December 9 Align carpets to adjust for curvature of Earth. December 11 Lay Faberge egg. December 12 Take Dog apart. Disinfect. Reassemble. December 13 Collect…
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Night Before Christmas for Mom
T’was the night before Christmas, in a Milpitas abode, Only one creature was stirring, and she was cleaning the commode. The children were finally sleeping, all snug in their beds, While visions of iPads and Baby Sharks flipped through their heads. The dad was snoring in front of the TV, With a half-constructed bicycle on his knee. Our homeschooling mom heard the reindeer hooves clatter, Which made her sigh, “Now what’s the matter?” With toilet bowl brush still clutched in her hand, She descended the stairs, and saw the old man. He was covered with ashes and soot, which fell with a shrug. “Oh great,” muttered the mom, “Now I…
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Apartment Hunting With A Large Family
A large family, with seven children, were moving to Milptias. They were having a difficult time finding an apartment to live in. Many apartments were large enough, but the landlords objected to the large family. After several days of searching, the father asked the mother to take the four younger children to visit the cemetery while he took the older three to find an apartment. After they had looked most of the morning they found a place that was just right. Then the landlord asked the usual question: “How many children do you have?” The father answered with a deep sigh, “Seven… but four are with their dear mother in…
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I Think Santa Claus is a Woman
I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he’s a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off! For starters, the vast majority of men don’t even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. It’s as if they are all frozen in some kind of Ebenezerian Time Warp until 3 p.m. on Dec.24th, when they (with amazing calm) call other errant men for a last-minute shopping spree. Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and…
