Fruit Cake Recipe

 

“Fruit cakes make ideal gifts because the Postal Service has been unable to find a way to damage a fruit cake.” – Dave Barry

Real Fruit Cake Recipes Below
California Recipes on Go Milpitas
Note to those wondering why a “booze” joke is on a homeschool site

You’ll need the following:

• a cup of water (A history of the Hetch Hetchy.)
• a cup of sugar (A history of sugar cane.)
• four large brown eggs
• two cups of dried fruit
• a teaspoon of salt
• a cup of brown sugar
• lemon from your neighbor’s tree
• nuts from last walnut grove on Piedmont Rd.
• a bottle of whiskey.

Sample the whiskey to check for quality.

Take a large bowl. Put it down somewhere.

Check the whiskey again.

To be sure it’s the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.

Repeat.

Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in that large, fluffy bowl.

Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again.

Make sure the whiskey is still okay.

Cry another tup.

Turn off the mixer! It’s splattered dough everywhere!

Beat two leggs and add to the fluffy bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.

Mix on the tuner.

If the fired druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity… Whew is it hot in here ?

Okay.. Next, sift two cups of salt… or something.

Check the whiskey.

Now sift the lemon … urp … juice and strain your sugar or something … Who cares? Whatever the heck you can find.

Grease the oven.

Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees.

Don’t forget to beat off the turner.

Check the whishkey again.

Throw up in the bowl and go to bed.

Happy Holidays

Real Fruit Cake Recipes

My apologies to all those who came here from a search engine expecting a real fruit cake recipe. Here are some real fruit cake recipe sites…

• Alaskan Sourdough Fruitcake
• AllRecipes.com: Unbaked Fruit Cake
• Buttermilk Pecan Fruitcake
• Brazil Nut Fruit Cake – Texas
• Carrot Fruit Cake
• Cherry Almond Oatmeal Cake from Quaker Oats
• Christmas Cake (Diabetic)
• Christmas Recipes: Fruitcake
• Chocolate Fruitcake
• Creole Christmas Fruitcake
• European-style Fruit Cake (in Metric Measurements)
• Feast Day Fruit Cake
• Fiesta Fruitcake
• Fruit Cake Cookies
• Fruit Cake without Nuts
• Healthy Christmas Fruitcake
• Lowfat, Vegetarian Fruitcake
• Old English Fruitcake
• Old Fashioned Fruitcake
• Stained Glass Cake
• Traditional British Rich Fruitcake
• Vegan Christmas Fruitcake
• White Chocolate Fruitcake Bars
• White Fruitcake

Note to those wondering why a “booze” joke is on a community website

To those in the Temperance Union: You will notice, if you go through the links on my page, that links for “whiskey” lead to information about the Whiskey Rebellion, the Temperance Movement, the dangers of drinking, and how the distillation of whiskey influenced American and Canadian history, and that the last link to “Throw up…” is to Alcoholics Anonymous 🙂

Sometimes a bit of humor can help a family that is in denial find the resources they need to cope with alcoholism, and get help. I find it does a better job of getting people to AA than attempting to lecture.

You’ll find I do this a lot on my site: just gently persuade adults and children to look a little deeper into matters, but with a gentle, gloved hand and a light heart.

A Milpitas Mom’s Favorite Joke.