Mother’s Dictionary
Mothers' Word/Term | Definition |
---|---|
AMNESIA | A condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again. |
BOTTLE FEEDING | An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 AM, too. |
DEFENSE | What you'd better have around de yard if you're going to let de children play outside. |
DROOLING | How teething babies wash their chins. |
DUMBWAITER | One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert. |
FAMILY PLANNING | The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster. |
FEEDBACK | The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots. |
FULL NAME | What you call your child when you're mad at him. |
GRANDPARENTS | The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right. |
HEARSAY | What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word. |
IMPREGNABLE | A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid. |
INDEPENDENT | How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say. |
LOOK OUT! | What it's too late for your child to do by the time you scream it. |
PRENATAL | When your life was still somewhat your own. |
PREPARED CHILDBIRTH | A contradiction in terms. |
PUDDLE | A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it. |
SHOW OFF | A child who is more talented than yours. |
STERILIZE | What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it. |
STOREROOM | The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can't quite reach anything. |
TEMPER TANTRUMS | What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children. |
TOP BUNK | Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies. |
TWO-MINUTE WARNING | When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises. |
VERBAL | Able to whine in words. |
WEAKER SEX | The kind you have after the kids have worn you out. |
WHODUNIT | None of the kids that live in your house. |
WHOOPS! | An exclamation that translates roughly into "get a sponge." |
A Milpitas Mom’s Favorite Joke.