-
Jokes – Milpitas Mom’s Favorites
My favorite jokes found online over the years. Some jokes given a Milpitas twist. Jokes By Topic Amazing Facts Animal Jokes Computing Jokes Covid Jokes Education Jokes Family Life Jokes Holiday Jokes Christmas Jokes Kids Jokes Men’s Jokes Milpitas Jokes Money Jokes On the Job Jokes Philosophical Jokes Political Jokes Religious Jokes Women Jokes Alphabetical List Advice For Married Women: Then and Now Just leave him a voice mail message regarding where you’d like to eat and at what time. Women Jokes The Addition Game – Will Muppet Win Trip to Milpitas? Video: If Muppet Harry Monster correctly guesses what 3+1 is, he will win a trip to Milpitas, California.…
-
Recipe For Doing the Family Wash
Written in its original spelling for a bride a few generations ago. bild a fire in back yard to heet kettle of rain water. set tubs so smoke won’t blow in eyes if wind is pert. shave one hold cake lie sope in bilin water. sort things, make three piles. 1 pile white. 1 pile cullord. 1 pile work britches and rags. stur flour in cold water to smooth, then thin down with bilin water. rub dirty spots on board, scrub hard, then bile, rub collord, but don’t bile – just rench & starch. take white things out of kettle with broom stick handle, then rench, blew, and starch. spred…
-
Women Jokes – Milpitas Mom’s Favorite Jokes
Advice For Married Women: Then and Now Just leave him a voice mail message regarding where you’d like to eat and at what time. Buying Swimwear I have just been through the annual pilgrimage of torture and humiliation known as buying a bathing costume. How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb? ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Mom Song Mom’s Song and Teen’s Answer What a mom says in 24 hours, condensed into 2 minutes and 55 seconds. Sung to the William Tell Overture, by Anita Renfroe. The Mommy Test How do mommys know all those things? Mother’s Dictionary…
-
Maxims of Old Age
1. When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison. 2. To me, “drink responsibly” means don’t spill it. 3. Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight. 4. It’s the start of a brand new day, and I’m off like a herd of turtles. 5. The older I get, the earlier it gets late. 6. When I say, “The other day,” I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago. 7. I remember being able to get up without making sound effects. 8. I had my patience tested. I’m negative. 9. Remember, if you lose…
-
No Cookies, No Candy, No Gum
Women Jokes A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three year old girl in her basket. As they passed the cookie section, the child asked for cookies and her mother told her “no.” The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, “Now Ellen, we just have half of the aisles left to go through; don’t be upset. It won’t be long.” He passed the Mother again in the candy aisle. Of course, the little girl began to shout for candy. When she was told she couldn’t have any, she began to cry. The mother said, “There, there, Ellen, don’t cry.…
-
Mother’s Dictionary
Women Jokes A Milpitas Mom’s Favorite Joke.
-
The Mommy Test
Women Jokes This is actually a true story but, all the full-time moms I know have gotten a chuckle out of it. — From a faithful contributor. I was out walking with my then 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I asked her not to do that. “Why?” “Because it’s been laying outside and is dirty and probably has germs.” At this point she looked at me with total admiration and asked, “Wow! How do you know all this stuff?” “Uh,” I was thinking quickly, everyone knows this stuff, “Um, it’s on the mommy test. You have…
-
Mom’s Song and Teen’s Answer
Women Jokes Anita Renfroe | William Tell Momisms | Official Version Anita Renfroe sums up all the things that a mother says to her children in a three-minute song called “Momisms” set to the William Tell Overture. This is the official version by Anita Renfroe. Purchase full DVD at www.AnitaRenfroe.com. Video and audio available on iTunes. The Child Song (Answer to the Mom Song) This is what a child would say to her mother in a 24-hour period. It has been made as a response to Anita Renfroe’s Mom Song, to the sound of William Tell Overture. With lyrics. Let me stay, let me stay in bed a little more…
-
Forgetful Poem
Philosopical Jokes My forgetter’s getting better But my rememberer is broke. To you that may seem funny but, To me, that is no joke. For when I’m “here” I’m wondering If I really should be “there.” And, when I try to think it through, I haven’t got a prayer! Oft times I walk into a room, Say “what am I here for?” I wrack my brain, but all in vain A zero, is my score. At times I put something away Where it is safe, but, Gee! The person it is safest from Is, generally, me! When shopping I may see someone, Say “Hi” and have a chat, Then, when…
-
Martha Stewart Holiday Calendar
December 1 Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey. Spray paint gold, turn upside down and use as a sleigh to hold Christmas Cards. December 2 Have Cantabile Children’s Choir record outgoing Christmas message for answering machine. December 3 Using candlewick and hand-gilded, miniature pine cones, fashion cat-o-nine-tails. Flog Gardener. December 4 Repaint St. Elizabeth Catholic Church‘s ceiling in ecru, with mocha trim. December 5 Get new eyeglasses. Grind lenses myself. December 6 Fax family Christmas newsletter to Pulitzer committee for consideration. December 7 Debug Windows ’10. December 9 Align carpets to adjust for curvature of Earth. December 11 Lay Faberge egg. December 12 Take Dog apart. Disinfect. Reassemble. December 13 Collect…
