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Night Before Christmas for Mom
T’was the night before Christmas, in a Milpitas abode, Only one creature was stirring, and she was cleaning the commode. The children were finally sleeping, all snug in their beds, While visions of iPads and Baby Sharks flipped through their heads. The dad was snoring in front of the TV, With a half-constructed bicycle on his knee. Our homeschooling mom heard the reindeer hooves clatter, Which made her sigh, “Now what’s the matter?” With toilet bowl brush still clutched in her hand, She descended the stairs, and saw the old man. He was covered with ashes and soot, which fell with a shrug. “Oh great,” muttered the mom, “Now I…
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Advice For Married Women: Then and Now
Women Jokes The following is from a 1950’s Home Economics textbook intended for high school girls, advice on how to prepare for married life. Have dinner ready: Plan ahead even the night before, to have a delicious meal on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him, and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospects of a good meal are part of the warm welcome needed. Prepare yourself: Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be…
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Buying Swimwear
Women Jokes I have just been through the annual pilgrimage of torture and humiliation known as “buying a bathing costume.” When I was a child in the 1950s the bathing costume for a woman with a mature figure was designed for a woman with a mature figure: boned, trussed and reinforced, not so much sewn as engineered. They were built to hold back and uplift and they did a darn good job. Today’s stretch fabrics are designed for the pre-pubescent girl with a figure chipped from marble. The mature woman has a choice. She can either front up at the maternity department and try on a floral costume with a…
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How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Women Jokes ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don’t even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT. And once they figured it out they wouldn’t be able to find the lightbulbs despite the fact that they’ve been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS. But if they did, by some miracle, find and change the lightbulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change…
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There Are No Fish Under The Ice!
Milpitas Jokes A blonde woman notices the popularity of ice fishing in Silicon Valley, and decides to try it for herself. Determined to take the sport up properly, she heads to the library and reads, not one, but three books on ice fishing from cover to cover. Armed with a list of ice fishing gear, she heads to the nearest sporting goods store to pick out top-notch equipment. The next day, the woman heads to the nearest frozen pond and begins to set up the stool she had purchased. Settling in, she reaches for her saw and begins to cut a hole through the ice. Booming from above comes a…
