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How We Know Santa’s Reindeer Are Female
Animal Jokes According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring; therefore, according to every historical rendition depicting Santa’s reindeer–every single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen–had to be a girl. We should’ve known. Only women would be able to drag a fat man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost. A Milpitas Mom’s Favorite Joke.
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Maxims of Old Age
1. When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison. 2. To me, “drink responsibly” means don’t spill it. 3. Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight. 4. It’s the start of a brand new day, and I’m off like a herd of turtles. 5. The older I get, the earlier it gets late. 6. When I say, “The other day,” I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago. 7. I remember being able to get up without making sound effects. 8. I had my patience tested. I’m negative. 9. Remember, if you lose…
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Older Santa Clara County Shelter-in-Place (SIP) Orders Archive
This page is posted for historical reasons to get a perspective of how Covid-19 concerns were addressed as time went on. If you are looking for current, up-to-date information, go to Coronavirus COVID-19 Updates for Milpitas. Stay home Q&A All individuals living in the State of California are currently ordered to stay home or at their place of residence, except for permitted work, local shopping or other permitted errands, or as otherwise authorized (including in the Questions & Answers below). On March 19, 2020, an Executive Order (PDF) and Public Health Order (PDF) directed all Californians to stay home except to go to an essential job or to shop for…
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Stop complaining! You need to keep it on.
Animal Jokes & Covid Jokes 2019 Stop complaining! You need to keep it on. It’s for your own good. 2020 Dog grins at master wearing face mask. A Milpitas Mom’s Favorite Joke.
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Milpitas General Plan Update
Date: November 2, 2020 To: State Clearinghouse State Responsible Agencies State Trustee Agencies Other Public Agencies Organizations and Interested Persons Lead Agency: City of Milpitas 455 E. Calaveras Blvd. Milpitas, CA 95035 Jessica Garner, Planning Manager Phone: (408) 586-3284 Email: jgarner@ci.milpitas.ca.gov Project Title: Milpitas General Plan Update Project Location: City of Milpitas, encompassing all lands within Milpitas Project Description: The City of Milpitas is preparing a comprehensive update to its existing General Plan. The updated Milpitas General Plan is expected to be adopted in early 2021 and will guide the City’s development and conservation through land use objectives and policy guidance. The Plan is intended to be an expression of the…
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Halloween Riddles
About a 100 Halloween Riddles to tickle your Funny Bone. Ghost Riddles Why do ghosts go on diets? So they can keep their ghoulish figures Where does a ghost go on vacation? Mali-boo. Why did the ghost go into the bar? For the Boos. What is in a ghost’s nose? Boo-gers. Why did the policeman ticket the ghost on Halloween? It didn’t have a haunting license. Why do demons and ghouls hang out together? Because demons are a ghoul’s best friend! What does a panda ghost eat? Bam-BOO! What’s a ghost’s favorite dessert? I-Scream! Why can’t the boy ghost have babies? Because he has a Hallo-weenie. How do ghosts wash…
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Is everyone ok? Check on your friends
Everyone check on your friends. We have a rider down 😉 Happy October Public Safety is our Priority A Milpitas Mom’s Favorite Joke.
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How Many Facebook Users Does it Take to Change a Lightbulb?
There’s a lot of truth wrapped up in the humour here! Q: How many people does it take to change a lightbulb in the Go Milpitas Facebook Group? • 1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed. • 14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently. • 7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs. • 17 purists who use candles and are offended by light bulb discussions. • 6 to argue over whether it’s ‘lightbulb’ or ‘light bulb’. • Another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid. •…
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Other People
Amazing Facts Have you ever thought any of these statement ever applied to “other people” who were not like you? Join the crowd. These same stereotypes have been applied to “other people” for at least 400 years! They are over-sexed They are good lovers, better than you are anyway They will seduce your spouse away from you They will rape They will pillage, steal from you, terrorize you They will take your children either mentally or physically They are greedy “gold diggers” and will force you into giving them your wealth They are drunks and drug addicts They have weird, superstitious beliefs They are gullible, will believe anything you tell…
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How to Register to Vote in Milpitas & Santa Clara County
Register to vote with the Santa Clara County Registrar of Voters. Who Can Register to Vote? Have you checked to see if you are already registered to vote? Many have been registered to vote when they got their drivers license. Check here to see if you are already registered. You will need to have your drivers license number available. Use the California Online Voter Registration System Paper registration forms are available at the Registrar of Voters Office, U.S. Post Offices, Public Libraries, the Department of Motor Vehicles, and other government offices. Signed & completed forms must be returned in person or by mail to one of the following locations. They…
