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Classes We’d Really Like To See Offered At the Community Center
SELF-IMPROVEMENT WORKSHOPS Creative Suffering Overcoming Peace of Mind Guilt without Sex The Primal Shrug Ego Gratification through Violence Holding your Child’s Attention through Guilt and Fear Dealing with Post Self-realization Depression Whine and Whimper Your Way to Alienation BUSINESS/CAREER WORKSHOPS Money Can Make You Rich Tawkin’ Good: How to Improve Your Spitch and Get a More Betterer Payn’ Job I Made $100 in Real Estate Career Opportunities in Iran Under-Achiever’s Guide to Very Small Business Opportunities Filler Phrases for Thesis Writers Tax Shelters for the Indigent Looters Guide to American Cities HOME ECONOMICS WORKSHOPS How to Convert Your Family Room into a Rabbit Run How to Cultivate Viruses in your…
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Fun Things To Do While Driving With Kids
Driving with kids getting you down? Try these to spice up your trip while on the road. Vary your vehicle’s speed inversely with the speed limit. Roll down your windows and blast talk radio. Attempt to headbang. At stop lights, eye the person in the next car suspiciously. With a look of fear, lock your doors. Two words: Chicken suit. Write the words “Help me” on your back window in red paint. The more it looks like blood, the better. Have conversations, looking periodically at the passenger seat, when driving alone. Laugh a lot. A whole lot. Stop at the green lights. Go at the red ones. Occasionally wave a…
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Error Dialogue Haiku
Computing Jokes Wind catches lily scatt’ring petals to the wind: segmentation fault First snow, then silence. This thousand dollar screen dies so beautifully. No keyboard present Hit F1 to continue Zengineering? To have no errors Would be life without meaning No struggle, no joy You step in the stream, but the water has moved on. This page is not here. Having been erased, The document you’re seeking Must now be retyped. The ten thousand things How long do any persist? Netscape, too, has gone. With searching comes loss and the presence of absence: “My Novel” not found. The Tao that is seen Is not the true Tao, until You bring…
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Don’t Eat the Forbidden Fruit
Religious Jokes Whenever your kids are out of control you can take comfort from the thought that even God’s omnipotence did not extend to God’s kids. After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing He said to them was: “Don’t.” “Don’t what?” Adam asked. “Don’t eat the Forbidden Fruit.” God replied. “Forbidden fruit? We got Forbidden Fruit? Hey, Eve, we got Forbidden Fruit!” “No way!” “WAY!” “Don’t eat that fruit!” said God. “Why?” “Because I am your Father and I said so!” said God, wondering why he hadn’t stopped after making the elephants. A few minutes later God saw the kids having an apple break…
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Rent a Car, Truck or Trailer in Milpitas
Whether you need a car while yours is in for repairs, or you need a larger truck or trailer to haul something big, you can find the vehicle to rent right here in Milpitas. Cars Enterprise Rent-A-Car There is no fee for additional drivers in California. Additional drivers must be 21 or older. Located at Service King. 172 S Milpitas Blvd. 408-942-0500 Hertz Rent A Car Yelp reviews. Mixed. Official company website. 777 Bellew Dr. inside Crown Plaza Hotel 408-944-9960 Ride Sharing Taxi & Rideshare in Milpitas, California UpHail shows available Lyft and Uber rides available in Milpitas right now to book immediately on their site. Book it and get…
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Women’s and Men’s Designer Apparel at the Great Mall
Shop for men’s, women’s and teens’ clothing and other apparel at the Great Mall of Milpitas! Call stores using phone number links! Locate by neighborhoods and nearby stores. Abercrombie & Fitch Outlet Casual, classic, All-American lifestyle brand clothing. 408-262-6910 Neighborhood 2 #560 Aeropostale Specialty retailer of casual apparel for young people. 408-946-1165 Neighborhood 6 #480 American Eagle Outfitters 408-586-9520 Neighborhood 5 #454 Banana Republic 408-946-1433 Neighborhood 3 – Near Burlington Coat Factory #492 G by Guess 408-262-2522 Neighborhood 2 #551 Gap.com Gap brands. Gap services. Outlet prices. 408-946-1760 Neighborhood 3 #492 H&M Fashion and quality at the best price with a broad and varied selection for women, men, teens and children.…
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How Milpitas Got Its Name
Milpitas – How did it get it’s name? This story claims it means “A Thousand Pitas,” pitas being century plants. The name Milpitas is a variation of the plural diminutive of milpa, a Mexican Spanish word for “garden where maize is grown.” The proper diminutive form of milpa, though, is actually milpilla, not milpita. Thus, in Mexico, several towns and villages have the name Milpillas, but there is no Milpitas in Mexico. The word milpa is a word derived from milli, meaning “agricultural field” and pan. meaning “on.” The following is taken from Charles G. Mann, 1491: New Revelations of the Americas Before Columbus, Alfred A. Knopf, New York, 2005.…
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Buying Swimwear
Women Jokes I have just been through the annual pilgrimage of torture and humiliation known as “buying a bathing costume.” When I was a child in the 1950s the bathing costume for a woman with a mature figure was designed for a woman with a mature figure: boned, trussed and reinforced, not so much sewn as engineered. They were built to hold back and uplift and they did a darn good job. Today’s stretch fabrics are designed for the pre-pubescent girl with a figure chipped from marble. The mature woman has a choice. She can either front up at the maternity department and try on a floral costume with a…
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Kids Talk About God & Their Mother
Amazing Facts The following are different answers given by school-age children to the given questions: Why did God make mothers? 1. She’s the only one who knows where the scotch tape is. 2. Think about it, it was the best way to get more people. 3. Mostly to clean the house. 4. To help us out of there when we were getting born. How did God make mothers? 1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us. 2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring. 3. God made my mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts. Why did God give…
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Samuel Goldwyn’s Silly Quotations
Philosopical Jokes Samuel Goldwyn: Legendary movie producer: (1882-1974) Samuel Goldwyn was known for his misuse of the English language. Here are some of my favorite Goldwynisms: “An oral contract isn’t worth the paper it’s written on.” “Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.” “I had a great idea this morning, but I didn’t like it.” “Gentlemen, include me out.” “A hospital is no place to be sick.” “If I could drop dead right now, I’d be the happiest man alive.” “I read part of it all the way through.” “If I look confused it’s because I’m thinking.” “That’s the trouble with directors. Always biting the…
