Amazing Facts On a package of bread-pudding mix Product will be hot after heating. On the bottom of a container of prepared (and delicate) tiramisu Do not turn upside down. Among the instructions with an iron Do not iron clothes on body. On a bottle of children’s cough syrup Do not drive car or operate machinery. On the bottle of an over-the-counter sleep aid Warning: May cause drowsiness. With a kitchen knife Warning: Keep out of children. With a string of Christmas lights For indoor or outdoor use only. On a package of peanuts Warning: Contains nuts. On another package of peanuts Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts. In some chain…

Amazing Facts To realize the value of ONE YEAR Ask a student who has failed his exam. To realize the value of ONE MONTH Ask a woman who is eight months pregnant. To realize the value of ONE WEEK Ask an editor of a weekly. To realize the value of ONE DAY Ask a daily wage laborer. To realize the value of ONE HOUR Ask the lovers who are waiting to meet. To realize the value of ONE MINUTE Ask a person who has missed the train. To realize the value of ONE SECOND Ask a person who has just survived an accident. To realize the value of ONE MILLI-SECOND…

Amazing Facts From John Murrell’s column in the Mercury News “Considering the amount of java (that’s lowercase; don’t want to annoy Sun Microsystems) I’m consuming as I try to gear up and catch up after a week off, I thought this would be an appropriate Monday offering: a list snagged out of the e-mail ether and passed along by faithful contributor Mark Allen outlining some signs that you may be drinking too much coffee:” 1. Juan Valdez named his donkey after you. 2. You answer the door before people knock. 3. You sleep with your eyes open. 4. You just completed another sweater and you don’t know how to knit.…

Amazing Facts I have an earache: 2000 B.C. Here, eat this root. 1000 A.D. That root is heathen. Here, say this prayer. 1850 A.D. That prayer is superstition. Here, drink this potion. 1940 A.D. That potion is snake oil. Here, swallow this pill. 1985 A.D. That pill is ineffective. Here, take this antibiotic. 2000 A.D. That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root. A Milpitas Mom’s Favorite Joke.

Amazing Facts 1. When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it’s really dead. 2. Never (ever) read a book of demon summoning aloud, not even as a joke. 3. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has gone out. 4. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know, kill them immediately. It will save you a lot of trouble in the long run. However, it will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared. This also applies to kids who speak with somebody else’s voice. 5 . When you have…

Amazing Facts Sniglets (snig’let) Any word that doesn’t appear in the dictionary but should. 1. Arachnoleptic fit (n.) The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web. 2. Beelzebug (n.) Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at 3 in the morning and cannot be cast out. 3. Bozone (n.) The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future. 4. Cashtration (n.) The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period. 5. Caterpallor (n.) The color you turn…

Amazing Facts Sir Ernest Rutherford, President of the Royal Academy, and recipient of the Nobel Prize in Physics, related the following story: Some time ago I received a call from a colleague. He was about to give a student a zero for his answer to a physics question, while the student claimed a perfect score. The instructor and the student agreed to an impartial arbiter, and I was selected. I read the examination question: “Show how it is possible to determine the height of a tall building with the aid of a barometer.” The student had answered: “Take the barometer to the top of the building, attach a long rope…

Amazing Facts Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip near Milpitas. As they lay down for the night, Holmes said: “Watson, look up into the sky and tell me what you see.” Watson said “I see millions and millions of stars.” Holmes: “And what does that tell you?” Watson: “Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, it tells me that God is great and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?” Holmes: “Somebody stole our tent.” A Milpitas Mom’s Favorite Joke.