“Fruit cakes make ideal gifts because the Postal Service has been unable to find a way to damage a fruit cake.” – Dave Barry Real Fruit Cake Recipes BelowCalifornia Recipes on Go MilpitasNote to those wondering why a “booze” joke is on a homeschool site You’ll need the following: a cup of water (A history of the Hetch Hetchy.) a cup of sugar (A history of sugar cane.) four large brown eggs two cups of dried fruit a teaspoon of salt a cup of brown sugar lemon from your neighbor’s tree nuts from last walnut grove on Piedmont Rd. a bottle of whiskey. Sample the whiskey to check for quality. Take a large bowl. Put it down somewhere. Check the whiskey again. To be sure it’s…

‘Twas the night before Christmas, When all through the house The computer was humming, the icons were hopping, As Papa did last-minute Internet shopping. The stockings were hung by the modem with care In hope that St. Nicholas would bring new software. The children were nestled all snug in their beds, While visions of computer games danced in their heads. Ghostrunner for Billy, and Control for Dan, And Disneyland Adventures for Pamela Ann. The letters to Santa had been sent out by Mom, To santaclaus@toyshop.northpole.com Which has now been re-routed to Washington State Because Santa’s workshop has been bought by Bill Gates. All the elves and reindeer have had to…

The sleigh was all packed, the reindeer were fed, But Santa still knelt by the side of the bed. “Dear Father”, he prayed “Be with me tonight, There’s much work to do and my schedule is tight. I must jump in my sleigh and streak through the sky, Knowing full well that a reindeer can’t fly. I will visit each household before the first light, I’ll cover the world and all in one night. With sleigh bells a-ringing, I’ll land on each roof, Amid the soft clatter of each little hoof. To get in the house is the difficult part, So I’ll slide down the chimney of each child’s heart.…

Santa’s Letter regarding restructuring at the North Pole Workshop. The recent announcement that Donner and Blitzen have elected to take the early reindeer retirement package has triggered a good deal of concern about whether they will be replaced, and about other restructuring decisions at the North Pole. Streamlining was appropriate in view of the reality that the North Pole no longer dominates the season’s gift distribution business. Home shopping channels and mail order catalogues have diminished Santa’s market share and he could not sit idly by and permit further erosion of the profit picture. The reindeer downsizing was made possible through the purchase of a late model Japanese sled for…