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You Might Teach At Middle School If…
Isaiah Johnson, who plays George Washington for the national tour of the broadway show Hamilton in San Francisco, speaks with students at Rancho Milpitas Middle School on May 24. Photo by Stan Olszewski/SOSKIphoto You can converse in middle schoolese. You believe the staff room should be equipped with Valium salt licks. You stand on your front porch instructing the neighbor children to “Walk!” You want to slap the next person who says, “Must be nice to only work 8 – 3 and have your summers free.” You refer to adults as “boys and girls.” You encourage your spouse by telling them they are a “good helper.” You believe chocolate is…
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Homework Policy
Here is an explanation of our homework policy : Students should not spend more than 90 minutes per night. The time should be budgeted in the following manner: 15 minutes looking for assignment 11 minues calling a friend for the assignment 23 minutes explaining to parents why the teacher is mean and just does not like children 8 minutes in the bathroom 10 minutes getting a snack 7 minutes checking the TV Guide 6 minutes telling parents that the teacher never explained the homework 10 minutes sitting at the kitchen table waiting for Mom to do the assignment Long Term Assignments: These are given the night before they are due.…
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Are You Acting Too Much Like a Teacher?
Let’s find out if you are acting too much like a teacher: 1. Do you ask guests if they have remembered their scarves and mittens as they leave your home? 2. Do you move your dinner partner’s glass away from the edge of the table? 3. Do you ask if anyone needs to go to the bathroom as you enter a theater with a group of friends? 4. Do you hand a tissue to anyone who sneezes? 5. Do you refer to happy hour as “snack time”? 6. Do you declare “no cuts” when a shopper squeezes ahead of you in a checkout line? 7. Do you say “I like…
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Bad Mistakes On Resumés
Here are some real-life examples of bad mistakes on resumés: “My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable.” “Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer science, curses in accounting.” “Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Milpitas chain store.” “Personal: Married, 1992 Chevrolet.” “I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.” “I am a rabid typist.” “Created a new market for pigs by processing, advertising and selling a gourmet pig mail order service on the side.” “Exposure to German for two years, but many words are not appropriate for business.” “Proven ability to track…
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Classes We’d Really Like To See Offered At the Community Center
SELF-IMPROVEMENT WORKSHOPS Creative Suffering Overcoming Peace of Mind Guilt without Sex The Primal Shrug Ego Gratification through Violence Holding your Child’s Attention through Guilt and Fear Dealing with Post Self-realization Depression Whine and Whimper Your Way to Alienation BUSINESS/CAREER WORKSHOPS Money Can Make You Rich Tawkin’ Good: How to Improve Your Spitch and Get a More Betterer Payn’ Job I Made $100 in Real Estate Career Opportunities in Iran Under-Achiever’s Guide to Very Small Business Opportunities Filler Phrases for Thesis Writers Tax Shelters for the Indigent Looters Guide to American Cities HOME ECONOMICS WORKSHOPS How to Convert Your Family Room into a Rabbit Run How to Cultivate Viruses in your…
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The History of Math Word Problems
Teaching Math in 1950: – (traditional math) A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit? Teaching Math in 1960: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit? Teaching Math in 1970: – (new math) A logger exchanges a set “L” of lumber for a set “M” of money. The cardinality of set “M” is 100. Each element is worth one dollar. Make 100 dots representing the elements of the set “M.” The set “C”, the cost of production contains 20…
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Seven Wonders of the World
A group of Geography students were asked to list what they considered to be the Seven Wonders of the World. Though there was some disagreement, the following got the most votes: 1. Egypt’s Great Pyramids 2. Taj Mahal 3. Grand Canyon 4. Panama Canal 5. Empire State Building 6. St. Peter’s Basilica 7. China’s Great Wall While gathering the votes, the teacher noticed one student, a quiet girl, hadn’t turned in her paper. So she asked the girl if she was having trouble with her list. The quiet girl replied, “Yes, a little. I couldn’t quite make up my mind because there were so many.” The teacher said, “Well, tell…
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Kurt Vonnegut’s Commencement Address At MIT
Philosopical Jokes [Be sure to read the truth at the very end! This was possibly the first piece of Fake News to hit the young internet. ~ Milpitas Mom’s Favorite Jokes] Kurt Vonnegut: Ladies and gentlemen of the class of ’97: Wear sunscreen. If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now. Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your…
