A Milpitas high school teacher was arrested today at Norman Y. Mineta San Jose International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator. At a press conference, Mayor Rich Tran said he believes the man is a member of the notorious extremist Al-Gebra movement. Al-Gebra is a terrorist movement headed by Osum Bin Adden, which has reportedly infiltrated American schools. It began at the undergraduate level and has spread to secondary schools, according to US Attorney General John Ashcroft. Favored targets are said to include homomorphics and people living in polynomial relationships. Academics dismiss the…

A beautiful, blond educator gets on an airplane and sits down in first class. The stewardess notices her ticket is for the coach section so she approaches the educator and asks her to move back to the coach section. The educator replies, “I’m educated and I’m beautiful and I’m going to Milpitas.” The stewardess explains, “That’s fine m’am, but you did not pay for a first class ticket and I need to ask you to move to your assigned seat in the coach section.” The educator again replies with a big smile, “I’m educated and I’m beautiful and I’m going to Milpitas.” The stewardess again tries to explain by saying,…

Political Jokes Political Jokes by Calvin Trillin Bill Bennett told a grateful nation, ‘Be moral. Just resist temptation.’ By windbag airing of this thesis, Bill Bennett got as rich as Croesus. His preaching sold in wholesale lots, While he dropped millions at the slots. But here’s a thought to ease his pains: He only lost ill-gotten gains Bad Bet by Bill Bennett By Michael Kinsley Washington Post Bennett has been exposed as a humbug artist who ought to be pelted off the public stage if he lacks the decency to slink quietly away as he is constantly calling on others to do. Although it may be impossible for anyone famous…

The President of Harvard made a mistake by prejudging people and it cost him dearly. A lady in a faded gingham dress and her husband, dressed in a homespun threadbare suit, stepped off the train in Boston, and walked timidly without an appointment into the president’s outer office. The secretary could tell in a moment that such backwoods, country hicks had no business at Harvard and probably didn’t even deserve to be in Cambridge. She frowned. “We want to see the president,” the man said softly. “He’ll be busy all day,” the secretary snapped. “We’ll wait,” the lady replied. For hours, the secretary ignored them, hoping that the couple would…

“How come you’re late?” asks the principal as the teacher walks in the door of Milpitas High School. “It was awful,” she explains. “I was walking down Escuela Parkway and there was this terrible accident. A student was lying in the middle of the street; he was thrown from his car. His leg was broken, his skull was fractured, and there was blood everywhere. Thank God I took that first-aid course; all my training came back to me in a minute.” “What did you do?” asks the principal. “I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep from fainting!” A Milpitas Mom’s Favorite Joke.