Milpitas High School Teacher Arrested at San Jose Airport
A Milpitas high school teacher was arrested today at Norman Y. Mineta San Jose International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator.
At a press conference, Mayor Rich Tran said he believes the man is a member of the notorious extremist Al-Gebra movement. Al-Gebra is a terrorist movement headed by Osum Bin Adden, which has reportedly infiltrated American schools. It began at the undergraduate level and has spread to secondary schools, according to US Attorney General John Ashcroft. Favored targets are said to include homomorphics and people living in polynomial relationships. Academics dismiss the Ashcroft’s accusations as pandering to the lowest common denominator of anti-Arab prejudice.
He did not identify the Milpitas high school teacher, who has been charged by the Milpitas Police with carrying weapons of math instruction.
‘Al-Gebra is a problem for us’, the Mayor said. ‘They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values.’ They use secret code names like “X” and “Y” and refer to themselves as “unknowns”; but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philosopher Isosceles used to say, “There are three sides to every triangle.”
When asked to comment on the arrest, Mayor Tran said, “If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes.”
Fellow Milpitas Council Members told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by any Milpitas Mayor.