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Jokes – Milpitas Mom’s Favorites
My favorite jokes found online over the years. Some jokes given a Milpitas twist. Jokes By Topic Amazing Facts Animal Jokes Computing Jokes Covid Jokes Education Jokes Family Life Jokes Holiday Jokes Christmas Jokes Kids Jokes Men’s Jokes Milpitas Jokes Money Jokes On the Job Jokes Philosophical Jokes Political Jokes Religious Jokes Women Jokes Alphabetical List Advice For Married Women: Then and Now Just leave him a voice mail message regarding where you’d like to eat and at what time. Women Jokes The Addition Game – Will Muppet Win Trip to Milpitas? Video: If Muppet Harry Monster correctly guesses what 3+1 is, he will win a trip to Milpitas, California.…
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Fishermen Catch A Mermaid
Three dads from Milpitas were out having a relaxing day fishing at Spring Lake, in Ed Levin County Park, when one of them hooks something big, and when his buddies help him haul it in, they discover it’s a mermaid. She begs to be set free and promises to grant each of them one wish in return. The UCSC Extension professor just doesn’t believe it and says: “Ok, if you can really grant wishes, then double my I.Q.” The mermaid says: “Done.” Suddenly, he starts reciting Shakespeare flawlessly and analyzing it with extreme insight. The Stellartech scientist is so amazed he says to the mermaid: “Triple my I.Q.” The mermaid…
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Housework Training Courses Now Available For Men
Introduction to Common Household Objects I: The Mop Introduction to Common Household Objects II: The Sponge Dressing Up: Beyond the Funeral and the Wedding Refrigerator Forensics: Identifying and Removing the Dead Design Pattern or Splatter Stain on the Linoleum?: You CAN Tell the Difference! Accepting Loss -I: If It’s Empty, You Can Throw It Away Accepting Loss -II: If the Milk Expired Three Weeks Ago, Keeping It In the Refrigerator Won’t Bring It Back Going to the Supermarket: It’s Not Just for Women Anymore! Recycling Skills I: Boxes that the Electronics Came In Recycling Skills II: Styrofoam that Came in the Boxes that the Electronics Came In Bathroom Etiquette I:…
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Milpitas Mom’s’s 25 Worse Puns
25 of the Worse Puns I can think of right now…but wait! There are more! 1. Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes, we arson 2. What do you call a pig with laryngitis? Disgruntled. 3. Writing my name in cursive is my signature move. 4. Why do bees stay in their hives during winter? Swarm. 5. If you’re bad at haggling, you’ll end up paying the price. 6. Just so everyone’s clear, I’m going to put my glasses on. 7. A commander walks into a bar and orders everyone around. 8. I lost my job as a stage designer. I left without making a scene. 9. Never buy flowers from a monk.…
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Look, I don’t come into your home office and tell you to get out of the tub!
Covid Jokes “Look, I don’t come into your home office and tell you to get out of the tub!” A Milpitas Mom’s Favorite Joke.
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Painting the Porch
Daryll had been out of school for close to two years. Needless to say, he was getting pretty desperate for money. He decided to go to the nicer, richer neighborhood up on the hill and look for odd jobs as a handyman. Well, the first house he came to, a man answered the door and told Daryll, “Yeah, I have a job for ya. How would you like to paint the porch?” “Sure, that sounds great!” said Daryll. “Well, uh, how much do you want me to pay you?” said the man. “Is fifty bucks all right?” Daryll asked. “Yeah, that’s great. You’ll find all the paint and ladders you’ll…
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Maxims of Old Age
1. When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison. 2. To me, “drink responsibly” means don’t spill it. 3. Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight. 4. It’s the start of a brand new day, and I’m off like a herd of turtles. 5. The older I get, the earlier it gets late. 6. When I say, “The other day,” I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago. 7. I remember being able to get up without making sound effects. 8. I had my patience tested. I’m negative. 9. Remember, if you lose…
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Next “Survivor” Show
Have you heard about the next planned “survivor” show? 6 men will be dropped on an island with 1 van and 4 kids for 6 weeks. Each kid plays 2 sports and either takes music or dance classes and there is no access to fast food. Each man must take care of his 4 kids, keep his assigned home clean, correct all homework, complete science projects, cook, do laundry, etc. The men only have access to TV when the kids are asleep and all chores are done. There is only 1 TV between them and no remote. The men must shave their legs and wear make-up daily, which they must…
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A Milpitas Cowboy’s Guide to Life
Animal Jokes Don’t squat with your spurs on. Don’t interfere with something that ain’t botherin’ you none. Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance. The easiest way to eat crow is while it’s still warm. The colder it gets, the harder it is to swaller. If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin’. If it don’t seem like it’s worth the effort, it probably ain’t. It don’t take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep. The biggest troublemaker you’ll probably ever have to deal with watches you shave his face in the mirror…
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You Know You Live in Milpitas When…
Computing Jokes & Milpitas Jokes You make over $250,000 and still can’t afford a house. You see nothing but expensive cars because of <above>. You have more bandwidth in your apartment or condo than most major universities. Your commute time is 45 minutes and you live 8 miles from work. You see a billboard that says “FGPA2ASIC” and aren’t fazed. You stop asking how much things cost and start asking “How long will it take?” The fastest part of your commute is down your driveway. You don’t understand how the FasTrak work because you normally don’t commute during those hours. You take a bus and are shocked at 2 people…
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