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Author: Ann Zeise

Education Jokes – Milpitas Mom’s Favorite Jokes

The Addition Game – Will Muppet Win Trip to Milpitas?
Video: If Muppet Harry Monster correctly guesses what 3+1 is, he will win a trip to Milpitas, California.

Are You Acting Too Much Like a Teacher?
Do you say everything twice? I mean, do you repeat everything?

Bad Mistakes On Resumes
“Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer science, curses in accounting.”

Classes We’d Really Like To See Offered At the Community Center
Self-Improvement, Business/Career, Home Ec, Health & Fitness, Crafts

Densa IQ Test
You’ve heard of MENSA the group for geniuses with IQ’s of 140 and above?

Educator At An Accident
An educator uses her first aid training upon coming upon a bad car accident.

Educator Goes to Milpitas
A beautiful, blonde educator gets on an airplane and sits down in first class.

Excellent Advice I’ve Learned From Watching Scary Movies
When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it’s really dead.

The History of Math Word Problems
Teaching Math in 2000: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $120. How does Arthur Andersen determine that his profit margin is $60?

Homespun Couple Visit Harvard President
The President of Harvard made a mistake by prejudging people and it cost him dearly.

Homework Policy
Long Term Assignments: These are given the night before they are due.

Kurt Vonnegut’s Commencement Address At MIT
Ladies and gentlemen of the class of ’97: Wear sunscreen.

Milpitas High School Teacher Arrested at San Jose Airport
A Milpitas high school teacher was arrested today at Norman Y. Mineta San Jose International Airport as he attempted to board a flight.

On the Revelation of William Bennett’s Gambling Habit
Bill Bennett told a grateful nation,
‘Be moral. Just resist temptation.’

Seven Wonders of the World
A group of Geography students were asked to list what they considered to be the Seven Wonders of the World.

You Might Teach At Middle School If…
You can converse in middle schoolese.

Milpitas Mom’s Favorite Jokes

Computing Jokes – Milpitas Mom’s Favorite Jokes

All the Urban Legends Rolled Into One
No need to read all those other urban legends, etc. ever again. Here they are, all in one.

Computer Problem Report Form
Speculate wildly about the cause of the problem.

Error Dialog Haiku
Printer not ready. Could be a fatal error. Have a pen handy? Solon Magazine

Hacker Barbie®
MATTEL announces the latest in their new line of Barbie® products.

HTML Song
You’ve got to code it in H T M L. (To the tune of “YMCA.”)

Installing Love
Steps to becoming a loving person described in terms of installing a computer program on a PC.

The Last Page of the Internet
Thank you for visiting the End of the Internet. There are no more links.

Milpitas Role in Telecom History
Silva has therefore concluded that 300 years ago, Milpitas had already gone wireless.

Original Trojan Horse Warning
This was forwarded to me by Cassandra–it looks legit.

The Origin Of The Internet
And lo, it came to pass that the trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot.

Pie Throwing Trend in Milpitas
“… java virtual machine …” – WHAM – call the dry cleaners.

Web Addiction Holiday Sing Along
Doorbell rings, I’m not list’nin’, From my mouth, drool is glist’nin’, I’m happy although my boss let me go Happily addicted to the Web.

You Know You Live in Milpitas When…
You make over $250,000 and still can’t afford a house.

Milpitas Mom’s Favorite Jokes

Animal Jokes – Milpitas Mom’s Favorite Jokes

Beware of Bears
The California State Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters, fishermen, and golfers to take extra precautions and be on the alert for bears while in the Yosemite, Tahoe, and Northern Sierra areas.

Christmas Riddles, Puns and Jokes 
Why are Christmas trees like people who can’t knit? They both drop their needles.

An Engineer Calculates Santa’s Trip
No known species of reindeer can fly. But it is estimated that there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer.

How Many Dogs Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb?
ROTTWEILER: Just one. You want to make something of it?

How We Know Santa’s Reindeer Are Female
Only women would be able to drag a fat man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.

In My Next Life I Want To Be A Bear
If you’re a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that.

Milpitas Cowboy’s Guide to Life
Don’t squat with your spurs on.

Ole and Lena’s bull took sick and died
… so they needed to go to the auction to buy a new one.

Original Trojan Horse Warning
This was forwarded to me by Cassandra–it looks legit.

A Pastor entered his donkey in a race
…and it won. The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again and it won again. The local paper read: PASTOR’S ASS OUT FRONT.

Rudolf, The Red
An America couple was being shown around Moscow one day, when the man felt a drop hit his nose.

Stop complaining! You need to keep it on.
2019 Stop complaining! You need to keep it on. It’s for your own good. 2020 Dog grins at master wearing face mask.

Taking a Load of Penguins to the Zoo
Penguins get a lift to the zoo. (Links about penguins and places to see them.)

What Does The Frog Say?
A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter.

When Riding a Dead Horse
When you discover you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount.

Where Do Pets Come From?
A newly discovered chapter in the Book of Genesis has provided the answer: “Where do pets come from?”

Milpitas Mom’s Favorite Jokes

Amazing Facts – Milpitas Mom’s Favorite Jokes

All the Urban Legends Rolled Into One
No need to read all those other urban legends, etc. ever again. Here they are, all in one.

Biggest Lies
Campaign financing has nothing to do with how I vote.

Breaking News Joke
Women age 30-59 are most likely to carry CORONOVIRUS without symptoms! The local spas and wineries are the designated local quarantine centers.

Camping With Sherlock Holmes
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip in the Sunol Regional Wilderness. As they lay down for the night, Holmes said: “Watson, look up into the sky and tell me what you see.”

Coronavirus Quarantine Travel Puns
*Oman*, I really can’t wait to *Rome* around. *Venice* this going to get over? You can’t say when this lockdown will be over, *Kenya*? This *Spain* is real.

Densa IQ Test
You’ve heard of MENSA the group for geniuses with IQ’s of 140 and above?

Determining the Height of a Tall Building
Show how it is possible to determine the height of a tall building with the aid of a barometer.

Everyday Maxims
Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.

Excellent Advice I’ve Learned From Watching Scary Movies
When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it’s really dead.

How Poor We Really Are
One day a wealthy family man took his son on a trip to the country so he could have his son see how poor country people were.

Kids Talk About God & Their Mother
Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1.- We’re related.
2.- God knew she likes me a lot more than other people’s moms like me.

New Vocabulary Words
Arachnoleptic fit (n.) The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.

Other People
Have you ever thought any of these statement ever applied to “other people” who were not like you?

Put on your groaning face…. More puns.
More puns-A pun has not completely matured until it is full groan. How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it. Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

Relative Importance in 2020 So Far
The most accurate graph I’ve seen during this pandemic!

Rules for Writing the Blues
Blues can take place in New York City but not in Milpitas or any place in Canada. Hard times in Milpitas or Mountain View is probably just clinical depression.

Science Explained By Children
Genetics explain why you look like your father and if you don’t why you should.

Short History of Medicine
I have an earache: 2000 B.C. -Here, eat this root.

Signs You’ve Had Too Much Java
Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.

US Standard Railroad Gauge
The US standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 ft 8 1/2 in (1.44 m). That’s an exceedingly odd number.

Value of Time
To realize the value of ONE YEAR, ask a student who has failed his exam.

Warnings & Instructions
On a package of bread-pudding mix: Product will be hot after heating.

Ways to Really Annoy Telemarketers
If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

Milpitas Mom’s Favorite Jokes

Medicine and Drugstores in Milpitas

Health Services in and near Milpitas

Shop for prescription and alternative medicines. Learn about the treatments and proper disposal of prescription drugs.

Adult Education, Community Colleges

Schools, classes, colleges and universities offering adult education in Milpitas, Fremont, San Jose and general Silicon Valley area of California.

Next semester enrollment now open at most.

Community College in Milpitas

San Jose City College Courses at MHS Campus
San Jose City College is excited to share with you a great opportunity that gives you free parking and free use of textbooks if you take your classes at Milpitas Extension. Milpitas Extension is a unique collaboration between the Milpitas Unified School District (MUSD) and the San Jose Evergreen Community College District (SJECCD) to establish an Educational Innovation Lab. The Milpitas Extension is a ZTC (zero textbook cost) site. We provide free textbooks on loan for the entire semester for classes taken here.

Technest
Technest|SJCC in collaboration with the University of California, Berkeley (BerkeleyX) will offer an 18-week course, BerkeleyX Data 8 Foundations of Data Science on edX. The BerkeleyX course does not require prior statistics, computer science, or programming experience.

College Admissions Help

Walnut Education
Choose the perfect consultant. Get into the perfect college.
1201 South Main Street
347-276-6048

Community Colleges

DeAnza College
DeAnza offers not only traditional on-campus courses, but also a wide range of alternative learning options such as learning by watching videos, on television and online distance learning.

Evergreen College
Evergreen offers a wide variety of classes.

Foothill College
Foothill, as well as offering on-campus courses, offers world-wide access through its online and telecourses.

Gavilan College
Community campuses in the south end of Silicon Valley, in Gilroy, Morgan Hill and Hollister.

Mission College
Learn English as a Second Language online, right here! Online registration available.

Ohlone College
Located in Fremont at the base of Mission Peak, this community college is utilized by Milpitans.

San Jose City College
City College offers a strong core of general education and majors’ courses for students who intend to transfer to four-year colleges and universities.

West Valley College
Located in Saratoga, on the west side of Silicon Valley. Flexible course options including online and distance learning.

ESL – English As A Second Language

ESL – English as a Second Language
English classes for non-native English speakers in Milpitas, Fremont, San Jose and general Silicon Valley area.

Research Centers

Rock Center
Harvard Business School Silicon Valley outpost located at 3000 Sand Hill Road in Menlo Park. Cases have focused on topics such as the issues faced by very early stage companies.

Universities

Cogswell University of Silicon Valley
CLASSES WILL BE PRIMARILY ONLINE FOR THE SPRING 2021 TERM. Prepares technical college students for success in the creative-technology industries by providing an extraordinary, real-world college education inspired by the entrepreneurial spirit of our Silicon Valley location.

DeVry Fremont
Jumpstart your career with a degree from DeVry University
· Complete your bachelor’s degree in as little as 2-3 years
· Programs in business, IT, engineering and more
· Leading firms actively recruit from DeVry
Closest campus: 2160 Lundy Ave, Suite 250, San Jose, CA 95131

San Jose State University
A metropolitan university in the heart of downtown San Jose, within commuting distance of Milpitas.

Santa Clara University
A top private college offering undergraduate and graduate degrees, noted for its law and business schools.

Silicon Valley University
Ceased operation spring 2018. Lost accreditation. Site still up to help students get records and refunds. 1649 South Main Street. 408-956-9898, 408-956-9834.

Stanford University
Top private research university located in Palo Alto, about 20 miles from Milpitas.

University of California Santa Cruz Extension
Great place to get those post grad classes you need for a top job in Silicon Valley. Search on Milpitas for classes in town. Other facilities not too far away either. Map and Directions.

University of Silicon Andhra
The University of Silicon Andhra will be known worldwide for its innovative programs that infuse and embed the rich traditions of India in its liberal arts based research, sciences, health, technology, and professional programs. UofSA will create an educational journey for its students which will educate aspiring leaders worldwide in all sectors of society.
1521 California Circle
844-872-8680

Vocational

Milpitas Adult Education Programs
Helps adult students achieve academic success, vocational goals, and personal enrichment. Located in the Samuel Ayer Education Center, Building 400. DUE TO COVID-19 , OUR OFFICES ARE CURRENTLY CLOSED TO THE PUBLIC. PLEASE CALL OR EMAIL US FOR INFORMATION.

Silicon Valley Career Technical Education Center
Metropolitan Education District (MetroED) operates Silicon Valley Career Technical Education Center (SVCTE) and Silicon Valley Adult Education (SVAE). Annually, MetroED collectively serves almost 11,500 students by providing state-of-the-art Career Technical Education and Adult Education programs.

Hobbies & Interests Groups in Milpitas

If you’d like to join with others who have a hobby, talent or interest like you in Milpitas, you’ll find a long list here.

Advocacy & Service

Graffiti Terminators
Become a graffiti terminator and help beautify Milpitas

Silicon Valley Women’s Organizations and Resources
Whether you are a woman wanting to network with other moms or business women or those of your culture, we have links to women’s organizations for you!

Arts & Creative Hobbies

Camera Club
Meets monthly for a meeting on second Tuesdays, and holds field trips to take photographs in lovely surroundings. Classes on matting and other photography tips. Contests and community displays.

Golden Hills Art Association
A fairly active group of artists, though not online much. Find announcements about meetings in print media.

Peaceful Poets
The Peaceful Poets are a Milpitas-based group of writers and appreciators of poetry. Their works have been published in the Milpitas Post and Fremont Bulletin. Facebook for meeting dates and times.

Gardening

Gardening with Natives
A special interest group of the California Native Plant Society’s local Chapter which meets on the first Thursday of each month at 7p in the Community Library. The group is open to all, and includes a mix of seasoned native plant gardeners as well as beginners.

Local (Milpitas) Home Gardeners Club 2018
This is a community based home gardening club begun to provide education, share pointers, trade and exchange, and overall support each other in building productive and healthy home gardens.

History

Milpitas Historical Society
Generally meets on the second Wednesday of each month, except in the summer, and has a Holiday party in December. Milpitas History books and other memorabilia available to buy in their online store.

Society for Creative Anachronism
The International Headquarters of this organization is in Milpitas! This is a link to finding an SCA group nearby. As of July 1, 2020, we can no longer keep expired memberships open.
P.O. Box: 360789 Milpitas, CA 95036-0789
membership@sca.org | (800) 789-7486 | (408) 263-9305

Kids & Teenagers

Activist Clubs at Milpitas High
Clubs at Milpitas High that give to the community there and at large.

Kids’ Clubs
Kids’ clubs for children and teens in Milpitas, CA. Come learn and have fun with us: 4H, Boy Scouts, Girl Scouts, Sports teams, and more.

Teenagers in Silicon Valley & Milpitas
What’s there to do for teenagers in this town? How do Milpitas and other Silicon Valley cities treat their teenagers?

Resources for Clubs

Donation Locations
Where to drop off your holiday donations of food, toys or cash for Milpitas and area charities.

Grant Writing
Too often grant writers fall into these traps when applying for community grants.

Grant Writing Help
A list of organizations that provide technical assistance, consulting, classes and research materials in the San Francisco Bay Area.

Halls
Whether you need a meeting hall for business, a wedding, or large event, there’s a place to rent in Milpitas!

Volunteer
Volunteer matching services. Find the voluntary service that’s just right for you.

Technical Hobbies

Milpitas Amateur Radio Emergency Services/Radio Amateur Civil Emergency Services
MARES meets at 7:30 PM on the second Thursday of each month in the community room at the Milpitas Police Department. Anyone with an interest in Amateur radio or emergency communications is welcome to attend.

Silicon Valley Scale Modelers
Contest postponed. A club dedicated to the promotion of the hobby of scale modeling.

User Groups in Silicon Valley
Silicon Valley user groups for hardware platforms, internet and web, professionals and hobbyists.

Celebrations

Halloween/Fall Fests
Updated each year for Halloween. Lots of new fall fests, haunted houses, pumpkin patches and more for fun in October in and near Milpitas, CA.
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Fireworks 2008 Photos
Whether you attended the 4th of July Fireworks or not, you’ll probably enjoy these photos I captured.
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Fireworks Set-Up Photo Album
Photos of the crew of Pyro Spectaculars setting up the fireworks display in Milpitas, July 3-4, 2000.
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Light Rail Opening 2004
2.6M Slide show movie of the opening of the light rail line at the Great Mall June 23, 2004. Viewable in Quicktime and other movie showing applications.
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Parade on Main Street, 4th of July 2002
Milpitas used to have a fairly long 4th of July parade on Main Street. This one was back in 2002. The parade featured our historic first fire engine, Leapin’ Lena.

Parade on Main Street, 4th of July 2005 Slideshow
Slide show of the Main Street Parade, Milpitas, CA, July 4, 2005.

Shops

Games & Toys
Earwig Enterprises has a medical game. Unipak dresses up stuffed toy animals. Places to play or work on networked computers.
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Hairdressers, Hair Salons, Barber Shops-Best in Milpitas
These are the best hair salons to get your hair done in Milpitas. Some also offer other beauty services, such as nails.
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Jewelry Stores in Milpitas
While many department stores also sell jewelry, these Milpitas stores primarily sell jewelry. Many have very fine gems while others only costume jewelry.
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Print and Copy Shops-Graphics Support in Milpitas
Find commercial printers, silk screened clothing, copy services, and photo printing services.
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Shopping Centers
Looking for a link to a particular store in a certain mall? Look here. Even if I don’t have a link, the phone number is here.
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Specialty Clothing Stores in Milpitas
Milpitas also has some unique ethnic clothing stores, and three stores where you can recycle clothing.
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Sporting Goods
GoMilpitas only lists sporting goods stores that do not carry automatic rifles. Find products to support your favorite way of keeping fit.
Get Vitality in Milpitas, Great Mall, Play, Shop, Sports

Elected Officials for Milpitas: Santa Clara County, California, & US

Contact information for government government officials in Milpitas,
Santa Clara County, State of California, and the US government.

Milpitas City Government
Milpitas School Board
Santa Clara County
State of California
United States Federal Government

Milpitas City Government

City Council Web Site

Milpitas City Hall
455 East Calaveras Boulevard
Milpitas, CA 95035
Phone: 408-586-3000
Fax for mayor and all city council members: 408-586-3056

Open Government Ordinance
The City of Milpitas has adopted this Code of Ethics to foster public trust and public confidence by promoting and maintaining the highest standards of conduct. The people of Milpitas expect all elected and appointed officials, candidates for public office, City management, and Senior Staff to follow this Code and to practice its six core values.

Milpitas Mayor, Vice Mayor, and City Council:

Milpitas Unified School District Governing Board

Facebook
Twitter

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Santa Clara County

Santa Clara County Supervisor representing Milpitas

Otto Lee
District Three
County of Santa Clara, District Three
Office of the Board of Supervisors
County Government Center,
Tenth Floor – East Wing
70 West Hedding Street
San Jose, CA 95110
Phone: 408-299-5030
Fax: 408-298-6637
Email: supervisor.lee@bos.sccgov.org

Otto Lee
Otto Lee

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State of California – Officials

Governor

Gavin Newsom
Follow Gavin Newsom on Facebook
Office of California Governor
Gavin Newsom
1303 10th Street, Suite 1173
Sacramento, CA 95814
Phone: 916-445-2841
Fax: (916) 558-3160

Lieutenant Governor

Eleni Kounalakis
Follow Eleni Kounalakis on Facebook
Office of California Lieutenant Governor
Lieutenant Governor Eleni Kounalakis
State Capitol, Suite 1114
Sacramento, CA 95814
Phone: 916-445-8994

Secretary of State

Dr. Shirley N. Weber
Contact a Specific Program
California Secretary of State
[Include division or program name] 1500 11th Street
Sacramento, CA 95814
916-653-6814

Attorney General

Rob Bonta
Contact Information
Attorney General’s Office Locations
Attorney General’s Office
California Department of Justice
Attn: Public Inquiry Unit
P.O. Box 944255
Sacramento, CA 94244-2550
Voice: (916) 445-9555 or
(Toll-free in California)
(800) 952-5225
Fax: (916) 323-5341

Treasurer

Fiona Ma
Contact form
Tweets by @CalTreasurer
Facebook Page
State Treasurer’s Office Directory and Contacts
915 Capitol Mall, Room 110
Sacramento, CA 95814
916-653-2995
Fax: 916-653 3125

Board of Equalization

Controller

Malia M. Cohen
Detailed Contact Information
300 Capitol Mall, Suite 1850
Sacramento, CA 95814
916-445-2636
Fax: 916-322-4404
or
Los Angeles
888 South Figueroa Street, Suite 2050
Los Angeles, CA 90017
Phone 213-833-6010
Fax 213-833-6011

Public Instruction Superintendent

Tony Thurmond
California Department of Education
1430 N Street
Sacramento, CA 95814-5901
Questions: Executive Office | 916-319-0800

Department of Insurance

Ricardo Lara
Contact Information
300 Capitol Mall, Suite 17th Floor
Sacramento, CA 95814
1-800-927-4357

State Senator representing Milpitas

Senate District 10 Aisha Wahab (D)
Contact Form
Capitol Address
State Capitol
Room 4085
Sacramento, CA 95814
(916) 651-4010
Fax: (916) 651-4910
or
Fremont District Office
39510 Paseo Padre Parkway, Suite 280
Fremont, CA 94538
(510) 794-3900

Senator Aisha Wahab
Senator Aisha Wahab

State Assembly Member representing Milpitas

State Assembly member Alex Lee, District 24 (D)
Contact Online
Capitol Office
State Capitol – Room 2170
P.O. Box 942849
Sacramento, CA 94249-0025
(916) 319-2024
Fax: (916) 319-2124
or
District Office:
1313 N. Milpitas Blvd Suite #255
Milpitas, Ca 95035
(408) 262-2501
Fax: (408) 262-2512

United States Federal Government Officials

U.S. Congressional Representatives representing Milpitas

Most of Milpitas is in California District 15
See map of Congressional Gerrymandering here.


Representative Zoe Lofgren, 19th District (D)
zoegram@lofgren.house.gov
Contact Zoe
Follow Zoe Lofgen on Facebook
Local Office:
635 North 1st Street, Suite B
San Jose, CA 95112
408-271-8700
Fax: 408-271-8713
or
Washington:
1401 Longworth House Office Building
Washington, D.C. 20515
202-225-3072

Representative Ro Khanna, 17th District (D)
Follow on Facebook
Contact Information
Santa Clara Office:
900 Lafayette Street
Suite 206
Santa Clara, CA 95050
408-436-2720
Fax: 408-436-2721
or
Washington:
513 Cannon House Office Building
Washington, DC 20515
202-225-2631
Fax: 202-225-2699

U.S. Senators Representing California

Senator Dianne Feinstein
Follow Diane Feinstein on Facebook
Email form
Local Office:
1700 Montgomery St., Ste. 305
San Francisco, CA 408-94111
415-249-4777
or
Washington:
United States Senate
331 Hart Senate Office Bldg.
Washington, D.C. 20510
202-224-3841
Fax: 202-228-3954

Senator Alex Padilla
Home Page
Follow Alex Padilla on Facebook
Contact Senator Alex Padilla
Washington:
B03 Russell Senate Office Building
Washington, DC 20510
202-224-3553
Fax: 202-228-3954

The White House

1600 Pennsylvania Ave.
Washington, D.C. 20500
About contacting the White House
Email Form
202-456-1414
Visitor’s Office: 202-456-2121
Fax: 202-456-2883

President Joe Biden

First Lady Dr. Jill Biden

Vice President Kamala Harris

Second Gentleman Douglas Emhoff

The Biden-Harris Cabinet

Executive Office of the President

U.S. Supreme Court Justices

Roberts, John G. – Chief Justice

Alito, Samuel Anthony Jr.

Barrett, Amy Coney

Gorsuch, Neil M.

Jackson, Ketanji Brown

Kagen, Elena

Kavanaugh, Brett

Sotomayor, Sonja

Thomas, Clarence

Where to send comments
Substantive questions should be directed, in writing, to the
Public Information Officer
Supreme Court of the United States
Washington, DC 20543.