I know a funny little man,
As quiet as a mouse,
Who does the mischief that is done
In everybody’s house!
There’s no one ever sees his face,
And yet we all agree
That every plate we break was cracked
By Mr. Nobody.
‘This he who always tears out books,
Who leaves the door ajar,
He pulls the buttons from our shirts,
And scatters pins afar;
That squeaking door will always squeak,
For prithee, don’t you see,
We leave the oiling to be done
By Mr. Nobody.
The finger marks upon the door
By none of us are made;
We never leave the blinds unclosed,
To let the curtains fade.
The ink we never spill; the boots
That lying round you see
are not our boots; they all belong
A little boy was in a relative’s wedding. As he was coming down the aisle he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd (alternating between bride’s side and groom’s side). While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar… So it went, step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR all the way down the aisle.
As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit.
The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing, and was also near tears by the time he reached the pulpit.
When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, “I was being the Ring Bear….”
My daughter was about 3 years old when my brother got married. The couple asked her to be the flower girl in their garden wedding. A bit of a ham, she enjoyed the rehearsal just fine, but when she was all dressed up at the actual wedding, she balked. We couldn’t figure out why, until she tearfully explained that she didn’t want to ruin her fancy new dress at “The Wetting!”
Programs, that’s what we like to write,
I said programs, we stay up half the night
Writing programs, ’cause if you want a site
On the World-Wide Web you need a
Home page. Put the coolest stuff in
To your home page. Folks will say, “Hey, I’ve been
To your home page!” But before you begin
You must learn a whole new language.
You’ve got to code sites in H T M L.
You’ve got to code blogs in H T M L.
It’s a great little set of the neatest tools yet
For exploiting the Internet.
It’s fun to code WordPress in H T M L.
It’s fun to code using H T M L.
You can now interface with the whole human race
From your own niche in cyberspace.
Hot links from one site to the next,
You add hot links when you use hypertext.
So with hot links, stay cool, don’t get perplexed.
Then to surf the web you must have
Safari. That’s the browser to use.
I said Safari, it’s all over the news.
So with Safari, you’ll be sure you can’t lose.
But it all goes back to one thing…
You’ve got to code it in H T M L.
You’ve got to code it in H T M L.
It’s a great little set of the neatest tools yet
For exploiting the Internet.
It’s fun to code using H T M L.
It’s fun to code using H T M L.
You can now interface with the whole human race
From your own niche in cyberspace.
Letters, use them all, A through Z.
Take those letters, like TCP/IP,
Add more letters: CGI, FTP.
And a U R L is like an
Address. You type, “HTTP
Colon slash slash”, then add “W 3
Dot, et cet’ra”, and eventually
You’ll find you’re a real web master!
Because you coded in H T M L.
Because you coded in H T M L.
It’s a great little set of the neatest tools yet
For exploiting the Internet.
It’s fun to code using H T M L.
It’s fun to code using H T M L.
You can now interface with the whole human race
From your own niche in cyberspace.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip near Milpitas. As they lay down for the night, Holmes said: “Watson, look up into the sky and tell me what you see.”
Watson said “I see millions and millions of stars.”
Holmes: “And what does that tell you?”
Watson: “Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, it tells me that God is great and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?”
A man is struck by a bus on a busy street in Milpitas. He lies dying on the sidewalk as a crowd of spectators gathers around.
“A priest. Somebody get me a priest!” the man gasps. A policeman checks the crowd — no priest, no minister, no man of God of any kind.
“A PRIEST, PLEASE!” the dying man says again.
Then out of the crowd steps a little old man of at least eighty years of age.
“Mr. Policeman,” says the man, “I’m not a priest. I’m not even a Catholic. But for fifty years now I’m living behind St. Elizabeth’s Catholic Church on Sequoia, and every night I’m listening to the Catholic litany. Maybe I can be of some comfort to this man.”
The policeman agreed and brought the octogenarian over to where the dying man lay. He kneels down, leans over the injured and intones in a solemn voice:
6 minutes telling parents that the teacher never explained the homework
10 minutes sitting at the kitchen table waiting for Mom to do the assignment
Long Term Assignments:
These are given the night before they are due. This explains the name “long term.” It is a long term commitment to time that begins at 9:30 PM and ends at 11:50 PM. It is important that the whole family is involved in the project. It is imperative that at least one family member race to WalMart for posterboard, and that one family member ends up in tears (does not have to be the student).
One parent needs to stay up and complete the project. The other parent needs to call the school and leave a message that the student is out sick.
It is not necessary to have the student’s name on the assignment.
This is actually a true story but, all the full-time moms I know have gotten a chuckle out of it. — From a faithful contributor.
I was out walking with my then 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I asked her not to do that.
“Why?”
“Because it’s been laying outside and is dirty and probably has germs.”
At this point she looked at me with total admiration and asked, “Wow! How do you know all this stuff?”
“Uh,” I was thinking quickly, everyone knows this stuff, “Um, it’s on the mommy test. You have to know it or they don’t let you be a mommy.”
“Oh.” We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes but, she was evidently pondering this new information.
“I get it!” she beamed. “Then if you flunk you have to be the daddy.”
In all fairness, a couple weeks later she said, “I don’t know why you and Ms. Noreen think that’s funny. You guys both flunked the daddy test.”
In my opinion, this just underscores the important role both parents have in raising their children.
Anita Renfroe | William Tell Momisms | Official Version
Anita Renfroe sums up all the things that a mother says to her children in a three-minute song called “Momisms” set to the William Tell Overture. This is the official version by Anita Renfroe. Purchase full DVD at www.AnitaRenfroe.com. Video and audio available on iTunes.
The Child Song (Answer to the Mom Song)
This is what a child would say to her mother in a 24-hour period. It has been made as a response to Anita Renfroe’s Mom Song, to the sound of William Tell Overture. With lyrics.
Let me stay, let me stay in bed a little more
Wait a sec, wait a sec, hey don’t slam the door!
Here’re my shoes and my clothes, yes, I heard your words,
leave my room, I shall get dressed alone!
I’m not hot, I’m not cold, yes, I’m wearing that.
Here are my books and my lunch, but, what homework, mum?
I’ll get my coat and gloves, not that silly hat
I won’t forget I gotta feed the cat.
I know breakfast is very important, you repeat that every single day
I take so many vitamins I’ll end up playing in the NBA
I bet having some nice free time will be what I will finally forget
I remember my piano lessons, but again, when d’you want me to play?
Too fast or too slowly, come on mum, you’re stressing me
don’t make me go back in, otherwise the bus I’ll miss.
(I) play outside, (I) don’t play rough, (I) never play unfair,
I make thousands of friends and I always share.
Mum, you scare me so much I would never dare,
In a mo’ I’ll be right up there.
I will soon tidy up the pile on my bed, I’m just saying bye bye to my facebook friends.
Give me one, give me two, give me three more secs,
It’ll be done before you might expect.
No way! I won’t get off the phone! I’m in the middle of a very important conversation.
What wrong am I doing in the chat? Hey, don’t take my ipod, I am listening up.
Well I’m going out with some friends, I don’t know where, but that won’t take long.
I say thank you, please, excuse, I am welcome everywhere I go.
I’ll appreciate your wisdom someday when I’m older and I’m grown,
I can’t wait till I’m independent living somewhere on my own.
I’ll thank you for the counsel you gave me so willingly,
but right now I’ll thank you not to throw your spells at me!
If I keep my mouth closed I may lose my breath,
didn’t notice the cold I’ve just caught today?
For the next half an hour give me just a break,
why this rush! Are we missing a train?
Come on mum, take it easy and let me live,
get a rest, get a nap, don’t count to three.
Meanwhile I’ll get a shower and watch TV.
But, hey! My brother started it! Why grounded! What’s the wrong thing I did?
I get my story straight, I haven’t lied not even once today.
And, if all my friends go out tonight, I will go too!
If I’ve said it once I’ve said it at least one thousand times before!
I’m acting according to my age, I’m not fifty, haven’t you noticed yet?
I look at you when you are talking, can’t I walk the way I want?
(There’s) a place for every shout, and every shout must me in place!
Stop making up more reasons just to tell me off out loud!
Well I’m going to bed, have a good night mum,
thanks for all the advice, also for the cash. Don’t forget I love you.
But- tomorrow please don’t do this all again, let’s all relax, it’s Saturday!
And I do need a reason why, because, because, because, because,
I say so, I say so, I say so, I say so!
I’m the child, the child, the child, the child. The child! Ta-daaaa!
