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All the Urban Legends Rolled Into One
Amazing Facts & Computing Jokes No need to read all those other urban legends, etc. ever again. Here they are, all in one: I know this guy in Milpitas whose neighbor, a young man, was home recovering from having been served a rat in his bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken. So anyway, one day he went to sleep and when he awoke he was in his bathtub, it was full of ice, and he was sore all over. When he got out of the tub he realized that HIS KIDNEYS HAD BEEN STOLEN and he saw a note on his mirror that said, “Call 911!” But he was afraid to…
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Are You Acting Too Much Like a Teacher?
Let’s find out if you are acting too much like a teacher: 1. Do you ask guests if they have remembered their scarves and mittens as they leave your home? 2. Do you move your dinner partner’s glass away from the edge of the table? 3. Do you ask if anyone needs to go to the bathroom as you enter a theater with a group of friends? 4. Do you hand a tissue to anyone who sneezes? 5. Do you refer to happy hour as “snack time”? 6. Do you declare “no cuts” when a shopper squeezes ahead of you in a checkout line? 7. Do you say “I like…
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Proverbs: Kids’ Versions
Religious Jokes A first grade teacher collected old, well known proverbs. She gave each kid in her class the first half of a proverb, and had them come up with the rest. Here are the results: As You Shall Make Your Bed So Shall You . . . Mess It Up. Better Be Safe Than . . . Punch A 5th Grader. Strike While The . . . Bug Is Close. It’s Always Darkest Before . . . Daylight Savings Time. Never Under Estimate The Power Of . . . Termites. You Can Lead A Horse To Water But . . . How? Don’t Bite The Hand That . .…
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Ways To Really Annoy Telemarketers
Amazing Facts Telephone Service in Milpitas Includes a section with really good advice for totally avoiding telemarketing calls all together. 1. If a telemarketer wants to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money. 2. If they start out with, “How are you today?” say, “Why do you want to know?” Alternately, you can tell them, “I’m so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my sciatica is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died…” When they try to get to the sell, just keep talking about your…
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The Art Sold, but …
Milpitas Jokes An artist asked the Yolette, curator at the Community Art and History Museums, if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time. “I have good news and bad news,” the Yolette replied. “The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings.” “That’s wonderful,” the artist exclaimed. “What’s the bad news?” “The guy was your doctor.” A Milpitas Mom’s Favorite Joke.
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The Last Page of the Internet
Computing Jokes Thank you for visiting the End of the Internet. Congratulations! This is the last page. Thank you for visiting the End of the Internet. There are no more links. You must now turn off your computer and go do something productive. Shut down and go outside. Go read a book, for pete’s sake. A Milpitas Mom’s Favorite Joke.
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Taking a Load of Penguins to the Zoo
Animal Jokes Kimo is a bus driver for the Santa Clara Valley Transportation Authority. One day Kimo is headed to work on his bus route, when he runs across a delivery van stranded at the side of the road. The van driver works for the Happy Hollow Park and Zoo. He pleads with Kimo to do him a favor. He offers a $100 bill to Kimo to help him deliver a truckload of penguins to the zoo, because they needed to be there within the hour. Agreeing, Kimo proceeds to load two dozen penguins onto his bus. Then, off they drive towards the zoo. An hour later, the delivery driver…
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You Know You Live in Milpitas When…
Computing Jokes & Milpitas Jokes You make over $250,000 and still can’t afford a house. You see nothing but expensive cars because of <above>. You have more bandwidth in your apartment or condo than most major universities. Your commute time is 45 minutes and you live 8 miles from work. You see a billboard that says “FGPA2ASIC” and aren’t fazed. You stop asking how much things cost and start asking “How long will it take?” The fastest part of your commute is down your driveway. You don’t understand how the FasTrak work because you normally don’t commute during those hours. You take a bus and are shocked at 2 people…
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A Recap of the First Three Weeks with Covid-19
Covid Jokes Here’s a recap of the last three weeks, courtesy of Peter Lengsfelder: A RECAP OF THE LAST THREE WEEKS AMERICA: Oh my god! Coronavirus! What should we do? CALIFORNIA: Shut down your state. AMERICA: Wait… what? Why? CALIFORNIA: Because 40 million people live here and we did it early, and it’s working. OHIO: Whoa… whoa… let’s not be hasty now. The president said that this whole coronavirus thing is a democratic hoax. CALIFORNIA: He also said that windmills cause cancer. Shut down your state. TEXAS: But the president said that there are only 15 cases and soon there will be zero. CALIFORNIA: The president can’t count to fifteen.…
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Covid-19 is making me crack up!
Covid Jokes Covid-19 is making me crack up! Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem. I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I’m cracking a safe. I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator. Still haven’t decided where to go for Passover/Easter—– The Living Room or The Bedroom Public Service Announcement: Every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom. Homeschooling is going well. 2 students…
