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Breaking News Joke
Amazing Facts & Covid Jokes BREAKING NEWS! Women age 30-59 are most likely to carry CORONOVIRUS without symptoms! Best course of action is to quarantine them away from men and children! The local spas and wineries are the designated local quarantine centers. Send women immediately! No contact for 14 days while they live in misery here: Hairdressers, Hair Salons, Barber Shops-Best in Milpitas These are the best hair salons to get your hair done in Milpitas. Some also offer other beauty services, such as nails. While many offer walk-in service, it is always best to make an appointment, which often can be done online at the parlor’s website. or here:…
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Mother’s Dictionary
Women Jokes A Milpitas Mom’s Favorite Joke.
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AI Tax Preparer Program
Money Jokes Hello! Welcome to Taxtime (TM), your AI Tax Preparer Program. Do you feel like doing your taxes today? I see. Well, don’t you think you should do them anyway? After all, it is April 13th. You have less than 2 days to file. And who knows? Maybe you’ll get a refund. That’s the spirit! Let’s begin with your name, address, and marital status. Sorry to hear about the divorce. But don’t let it get you down — That alimony deduction will come in mighty handy in these tough financial times! Please don’t cry. The economy’s bound to bounce back. In the meantime, let’s talk about dependents. Do you…
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On the Revelation of William Bennett’s Gambling Habit
Political Jokes Political Jokes by Calvin Trillin Bill Bennett told a grateful nation, ‘Be moral. Just resist temptation.’ By windbag airing of this thesis, Bill Bennett got as rich as Croesus. His preaching sold in wholesale lots, While he dropped millions at the slots. But here’s a thought to ease his pains: He only lost ill-gotten gains Bad Bet by Bill Bennett By Michael Kinsley Washington Post Bennett has been exposed as a humbug artist who ought to be pelted off the public stage if he lacks the decency to slink quietly away as he is constantly calling on others to do. Although it may be impossible for anyone famous…
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Homespun Couple Visit Harvard President
The President of Harvard made a mistake by prejudging people and it cost him dearly. A lady in a faded gingham dress and her husband, dressed in a homespun threadbare suit, stepped off the train in Boston, and walked timidly without an appointment into the president’s outer office. The secretary could tell in a moment that such backwoods, country hicks had no business at Harvard and probably didn’t even deserve to be in Cambridge. She frowned. “We want to see the president,” the man said softly. “He’ll be busy all day,” the secretary snapped. “We’ll wait,” the lady replied. For hours, the secretary ignored them, hoping that the couple would…
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Educator At An Accident
“How come you’re late?” asks the principal as the teacher walks in the door of Milpitas High School. “It was awful,” she explains. “I was walking down Escuela Parkway and there was this terrible accident. A student was lying in the middle of the street; he was thrown from his car. His leg was broken, his skull was fractured, and there was blood everywhere. Thank God I took that first-aid course; all my training came back to me in a minute.” “What did you do?” asks the principal. “I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep from fainting!” A Milpitas Mom’s Favorite Joke.
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Legoland Discovery Center at Great Mall Reopening
Covid Jokes Covid-19 Updates regarding the Lego Discovery Center at the Great Mall in Milpitas. UPDATE 3/18/2020 We are actively monitoring the situation with regards to the outbreak of COVID-19 coronavirus and are in regular contact with local health authorities. The safety and well-being of our guests and staff is our priority and we will take all necessary precautions to ensure their continued welfare. With that said, in an effort to mitigate the risk presented by the outbreak of COVID-19 and comply with mandates from local government and health authorities, we are temporarily postponing the opening of the attraction until further notice. If you have purchased advance tickets, you may…
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Computer Language For Non-Computer Users
Log On Makin’ the wood stove hotter. Log Off Don’t add any more wood. Monitor Keep an eye on the wood stove. Download Gettin’ the firewood off the pickup. Mega Hertz When yer not careful downloadin’ (watch th’ toes). Floppy Disk Whatcha get from pilin’ too much firewood. Disk Operating System The equipment the Doc uses when you have a floppy disk. RAM The hydraulic thingy that makes the woodsplitter work. Hard Drive Gettin’ home in mud season. Prompt What you wish the mail was in mud season. Windows What to shut when it’s 50 degrees, and that’s real cold in Milpitas! Screen What you need for black fly season.…
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You Might Teach At Middle School If…
Isaiah Johnson, who plays George Washington for the national tour of the broadway show Hamilton in San Francisco, speaks with students at Rancho Milpitas Middle School on May 24. Photo by Stan Olszewski/SOSKIphoto You can converse in middle schoolese. You believe the staff room should be equipped with Valium salt licks. You stand on your front porch instructing the neighbor children to “Walk!” You want to slap the next person who says, “Must be nice to only work 8 – 3 and have your summers free.” You refer to adults as “boys and girls.” You encourage your spouse by telling them they are a “good helper.” You believe chocolate is…
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Wacky Warnings & Instructions
Amazing Facts On a package of bread-pudding mix Product will be hot after heating. On the bottom of a container of prepared (and delicate) tiramisu Do not turn upside down. Among the instructions with an iron Do not iron clothes on body. On a bottle of children’s cough syrup Do not drive car or operate machinery. On the bottle of an over-the-counter sleep aid Warning: May cause drowsiness. With a kitchen knife Warning: Keep out of children. With a string of Christmas lights For indoor or outdoor use only. On a package of peanuts Warning: Contains nuts. On another package of peanuts Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts. In some chain…
