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In Memory of Those Who Died in the Service
Religious Jokes One Sunday morning, the pastor, Ole, noticed little Andy was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of a Milpitas church. It was covered with names, and small American flags were mounted on either side of it. The seven-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the boy, and said quietly, “Good morning Andy.” “Good morning Father,” replied the young boy, still focused on the plaque. “Father Ole, what is this?” Andy asked. “Well, son, it’s a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service.” Soberly, they stood together,…
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How Milpitans Do It
Milpitas Jokes Finding Good Deals in Milpitas: Sign in a Milpitas gas station: Coke — 49 cents. Two for a dollar! How Milpitas Clerks Check For Valid VISA Cards: I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature on the credit card with the signature I just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her. She…
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Hacker Barbie®
Computing Jokes Barbie introduces a ‘Game Developer’ doll, Hacker Barbie, and she’s even cooler than you thought. Feminist Hacker Barbie the latest in their new line of Barbie® products, the “Hacker Barbie<®.” These new dolls will be released next month. The aim of these dolls is to negate the stereotype that women are numerophobic, computer-illiterate, and academically challenged. This new line of Barbie® dolls comes equipped with Barbie’s very own X-terminal and UNIX documentation as well as ORA’s “In a Nutshell” series. The Barbie® clothing includes a dirty button-up shirt and a pair of well-worn jeans. Accessories include a Casio all-purpose watch, and glasses with lenses thick enough to set…
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An Educator Goes to Milpitas
A beautiful, blond educator gets on an airplane and sits down in first class. The stewardess notices her ticket is for the coach section so she approaches the educator and asks her to move back to the coach section. The educator replies, “I’m educated and I’m beautiful and I’m going to Milpitas.” The stewardess explains, “That’s fine m’am, but you did not pay for a first class ticket and I need to ask you to move to your assigned seat in the coach section.” The educator again replies with a big smile, “I’m educated and I’m beautiful and I’m going to Milpitas.” The stewardess again tries to explain by saying,…
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Buzzword Bingo
For those of you who attend a lot of meetings, this should make those meetings go faster! If you don’t attend lots of meetings, I bet you can still play! How to play: Simply tick off any 5 words heard in any one meeting from the following list and shout out BINGO! It’s that easy! And, golly, is it fun! List of Buzzwords: Synergy Proactive, not Reactive Win-Win Situation Think Outside the Box Take That Offline On the Same Page Brand/branding/branded/brandized At the end of the day Client-Focused Strategic Fit Gap Analysis Best Practice The Bottom Line Core Business Lessons Learned Touch Base Revisit Game Plan Bandwidth Hardball In the…
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COVID advice for Geeks
Covid Jokes COVID advice from Silicon Valley County Health Department, which has been sending out advice in many languages. Seems appropriate they also send it out in code! A Milpitas Mom’s Favorite Joke.
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Covid-19 BINGO
Covid Jokes Usual BINGO rules, with this exception: If any game player sees someone sneeze or cough without a mask and into the open air, the game is over, and the player with most boxes covered wins that round. A Milpitas Mom’s Favorite Joke.
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The Hills Meet Their Fate In Milpitas
Milpitas Jokes Bob Hill and his new wife, Betty, are vacationing in Silicon Valley, California; as it happens, in the Milpitas hills. They’re driving a rental car along a rare deserted highway. It’s late, and raining very hard. Bob can barely see 10 feet in front of the car. Suddenly the car skids out of control! Bob attempts to control the car, but to no avail! The car swerves and smashes into a tree. Moments later, Bob shakes his head to clear the fog. Dazed, he looks over at the passenger seat and sees his new wife unconscious, with her head bleeding! Despite the rain and unfamiliar countryside, Bob knows…
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Biggest Lies
Amazing Facts & Political Jokes 3 Biggest Software Lies: The program’s fully tested and bugfree. We’re working on the documentation. Of course we can modify it. 3 Biggest Computer Room Lies: As long as you remember to ‘SAVE’ your input, you’ll never lose any files. We run the stuff through as fast as it comes in the door. The new machines on order. 3 Biggest Large Company Lies: We have an entrepreneurial spirit here. People are our greatest resource. We say ‘let the marketplace decide’. 3 Biggest Small Company Lies: We have an entrepreneurial spirit here. The boss is just one of the guys. Staying small is a conscious decision.…
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Quarantine Insights One-liners
Covid Jokes Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the chicken behind it didn’t know how to socially distance properly. Whose idea was it to sing “Happy Birthday” while washing your hands? Now every time I go to the bathroom, my kids expect me to walk out with a cake. My husband purchased a world map and then gave me a dart and said, “Throw this and wherever it lands—that’s where I’m taking you when this pandemic ends.” Turns out, we’re spending two weeks behind the fridge. Ran out of toilet paper and started using lettuce leaves. Today was just the tip of the iceberg, tomorrow romaines to be…
