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Maxims of Old Age
1. When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison. 2. To me, “drink responsibly” means don’t spill it. 3. Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight. 4. It’s the start of a brand new day, and I’m off like a herd of turtles. 5. The older I get, the earlier it gets late. 6. When I say, “The other day,” I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago. 7. I remember being able to get up without making sound effects. 8. I had my patience tested. I’m negative. 9. Remember, if you lose…
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Stop complaining! You need to keep it on.
Animal Jokes & Covid Jokes 2019 Stop complaining! You need to keep it on. It’s for your own good. 2020 Dog grins at master wearing face mask. A Milpitas Mom’s Favorite Joke.
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Halloween Riddles
About a 100 Halloween Riddles to tickle your Funny Bone. Ghost Riddles Why do ghosts go on diets? So they can keep their ghoulish figures Where does a ghost go on vacation? Mali-boo. Why did the ghost go into the bar? For the Boos. What is in a ghost’s nose? Boo-gers. Why did the policeman ticket the ghost on Halloween? It didn’t have a haunting license. Why do demons and ghouls hang out together? Because demons are a ghoul’s best friend! What does a panda ghost eat? Bam-BOO! What’s a ghost’s favorite dessert? I-Scream! Why can’t the boy ghost have babies? Because he has a Hallo-weenie. How do ghosts wash…
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Is everyone ok? Check on your friends
Everyone check on your friends. We have a rider down 😉 Happy October Public Safety is our Priority A Milpitas Mom’s Favorite Joke.
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How Many Facebook Users Does it Take to Change a Lightbulb?
There’s a lot of truth wrapped up in the humour here! Q: How many people does it take to change a lightbulb in the Go Milpitas Facebook Group? • 1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed. • 14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently. • 7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs. • 17 purists who use candles and are offended by light bulb discussions. • 6 to argue over whether it’s ‘lightbulb’ or ‘light bulb’. • Another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid. •…
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Other People
Amazing Facts Have you ever thought any of these statement ever applied to “other people” who were not like you? Join the crowd. These same stereotypes have been applied to “other people” for at least 400 years! They are over-sexed They are good lovers, better than you are anyway They will seduce your spouse away from you They will rape They will pillage, steal from you, terrorize you They will take your children either mentally or physically They are greedy “gold diggers” and will force you into giving them your wealth They are drunks and drug addicts They have weird, superstitious beliefs They are gullible, will believe anything you tell…
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No Cookies, No Candy, No Gum
Women Jokes A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three year old girl in her basket. As they passed the cookie section, the child asked for cookies and her mother told her “no.” The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, “Now Ellen, we just have half of the aisles left to go through; don’t be upset. It won’t be long.” He passed the Mother again in the candy aisle. Of course, the little girl began to shout for candy. When she was told she couldn’t have any, she began to cry. The mother said, “There, there, Ellen, don’t cry.…
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Milk With A Little Coffee In It
Milpitas Jokes This story takes a little background; the names have been changed to protect the guilty. Ian works in a little coffee, chai, and sandwich place in Milpitas. Peter is his boss and the owner of the shop, and yes, this actually happened. Ian is telling the story. A special presentation of the “Stupid Award” goes to this customer. Below is an approximate conversation with her. Customer: Yes, I’d like a milk with some coffee in it. Ian: So, that’s just a splash of coffee in a milk? Customer: No, a regular amount of milk, but not coffee. Ian: Is there more milk or coffee? Customer: Oh, definitely more…
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Where’s Waldo? Social Distancing Edition
Covid Jokes “When I saw the cartoon today, it made me think of how the things we took for granted as a child back then are no longer considered “SAFE.” Not just from an environmental standpoint, but from simple things like social gatherings. I never thought I would live to see the day when the whole country would be in such a state of affairs as exists now with the COVID-19 virus.” A Milpitas Mom’s Favorite Joke.
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Letter From A Scout
Dear Mom, Our scout master told us all write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and worried. We are OK. Only 1 of our tents and 2 sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Chad when it happened. Oh yes, please call Chad’s mother and tell her he is OK. He can’t write because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search & rescue jeeps. It was neat. We never would have found him in the dark if it hadn’t been for the lightning. Scoutmaster Webb got…
