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How We Know Santa’s Reindeer Are Female
Animal Jokes According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring; therefore, according to every historical rendition depicting Santa’s reindeer–every single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen–had to be a girl. We should’ve known. Only women would be able to drag a fat man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost. A Milpitas Mom’s Favorite Joke.
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Stop complaining! You need to keep it on.
Animal Jokes & Covid Jokes 2019 Stop complaining! You need to keep it on. It’s for your own good. 2020 Dog grins at master wearing face mask. A Milpitas Mom’s Favorite Joke.
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What Does The Frog Say?
Animal Jokes A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter: Mother: “Great! What does the cat say?” Child: “Meow.” Mother: “What does the cow say?” Child: “Moo!” Mother: “Oh, you’re so smart! What does the frog say?” And this wide-eyed little 3 yr. old looked up at her mother and in her deepest voice replied, “BUD.” [Note: the “BUD” link goes to an article about how the Budweiser Beer Company is aiming their advertising at kids, even as young as 3 years old!] A Milpitas Mom’s Favorite Joke
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A Milpitas Cowboy’s Guide to Life
Animal Jokes Don’t squat with your spurs on. Don’t interfere with something that ain’t botherin’ you none. Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance. The easiest way to eat crow is while it’s still warm. The colder it gets, the harder it is to swaller. If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin’. If it don’t seem like it’s worth the effort, it probably ain’t. It don’t take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep. The biggest troublemaker you’ll probably ever have to deal with watches you shave his face in the mirror…
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Taking a Load of Penguins to the Zoo
Animal Jokes Kimo is a bus driver for the Santa Clara Valley Transportation Authority. One day Kimo is headed to work on his bus route, when he runs across a delivery van stranded at the side of the road. The van driver works for the Happy Hollow Park and Zoo. He pleads with Kimo to do him a favor. He offers a $100 bill to Kimo to help him deliver a truckload of penguins to the zoo, because they needed to be there within the hour. Agreeing, Kimo proceeds to load two dozen penguins onto his bus. Then, off they drive towards the zoo. An hour later, the delivery driver…
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Ole and Lena’s bull took sick and died
Animal Jokes & Milpitas Jokes Ole and Lena’s bull took sick and died, so they needed to go to the auction to buy a new one. Ole had to get the crops in and couldn’t leave the farm, so Lena took the Altamont Corridor Express to Escalon to buy a bull. If she was successful, she would take the train back to the farm, then she and Ole would go to town with the truck to pick up their newly purchased bull. The bidding was furious at the livestock auction, and Lena found herself bidding on the last remaining bull. It took everything she had but ten cents, but she was…
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The Original Trojan Horse Warning
Animal Jokes & Computing Jokes FROM: laocoon@doomgloom.edu TO: Trojan Army Listserv < Trojans-L@troy.org > RE: WARNING!! BEWARE GREEKS BEARING GIFTS! Hey Hector, This was forwarded to me by Cassandra–it looks legit. Please distribute to Priam, Hecuba, and your 99 siblings. Thanks, Laocoon WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! IF YOU RECEIVE A GIFT IN THE SHAPE OF A LARGE WOODEN HORSE DO NOT DOWNLOAD IT!!!! It is EXTREMELY DESTRUCTIVE and will overwrite your ENTIRE CITY! The “gift” is disguised as a large wooden horse about two stories tall. It tends to show up outside the city gates and appears to be abandoned. DO NOT let it through the gates! It contains hardware that…
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An Engineer Calculates Santa’s Trip
Animal Jokes by Richard Waller, Spy magazine, January 1990. 1) No known species of reindeer can fly. But it is estimated that there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer, which only Santa has ever seen. 2) There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. But since Santa doesn’t (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total 378 million according to the Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household,…
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When Riding a Dead Horse
Animal Jokes Milpitas community wisdom says, “When you discover you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount.” But in Milpitas businesses, the city government and (sometimes) our schools often try other strategies with dead horses, including the following: Buying a stronger whip. Changing riders. Saying things like, “This is the way we have always ridden this horse.” Appointing a committee to study the horse. Arranging to visit other sites to see how they ride dead horses. Increasing the standards to ride dead horses. Appointing a tiger team to revive the dead horse. Creating a training session to increase our riding ability. Comparing the state of dead…
