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In My Next Life I Want To Be A Bear
Animal Jokes In my next life I want to be a bear. If you’re a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that. Before you hibernate, you’re supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that, too. If you’re a bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you’re sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that. If you’re a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too. I could deal…
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Jokes – Milpitas Mom’s Favorites
My favorite jokes found online over the years. Some jokes given a Milpitas twist. Jokes By Topic Amazing Facts Animal Jokes Computing Jokes Covid Jokes Education Jokes Family Life Jokes Holiday Jokes Christmas Jokes Kids Jokes Men’s Jokes Milpitas Jokes Money Jokes On the Job Jokes Philosophical Jokes Political Jokes Religious Jokes Women Jokes Alphabetical List Advice For Married Women: Then and Now Just leave him a voice mail message regarding where you’d like to eat and at what time. Women Jokes The Addition Game – Will Muppet Win Trip to Milpitas? Video: If Muppet Harry Monster correctly guesses what 3+1 is, he will win a trip to Milpitas, California.…
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Animal Jokes – Milpitas Mom’s Favorite Jokes
Beware of Bears The California State Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters, fishermen, and golfers to take extra precautions and be on the alert for bears while in the Yosemite, Tahoe, and Northern Sierra areas. Christmas Riddles, Puns and Jokes Why are Christmas trees like people who can’t knit? They both drop their needles. An Engineer Calculates Santa’s Trip No known species of reindeer can fly. But it is estimated that there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer. How Many Dogs Does It Take To Change…
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Beware of Bears
Animal Jokes The California State Department of Fish and Wildlife is advising hikers, hunters, fishermen, and golfers to take extra precautions and be on the alert for bears while in the Yosemite, Tahoe, and even in the San Francisco Bay areas. They advise people to wear noise-producing devices, such as little bells, on their clothing to alert but not startle the bears unexpectedly. They also advise you to carry pepper spray, in case of an encounter with a bear. It is also a good idea to watch for signs of bear activity. People should be able to recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear droppings: Black bear droppings…
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Christmas Riddles, Puns and Jokes
Animal Jokes Milpitas Mom’s favorite Christmas riddles, puns, and jokes. What do reindeer say before they tell a joke? This will sleigh you. Why was the elf afraid of being in a small room with Santa? He was Claus-trophobic. What is Santa’s primary language? North Polish. What do you call Santa’s helpers? Subordinate Clauses. James Fenimore Cooper wrote about the life of Santa Claus. It is titled The Deer Sleigher. Where does Santa go swimming? The North Pool. How do Santa and Mrs. Claus get around? On an icicle built for two. What does Santa like best about gardening? He loves to Ho, Ho, Hoe! Which elf sings “Love me…
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Rudolf, The Red, Knows Rain, Dear
Animal Jokes A Milpitas couple was being shown around Moscow one day, by their communist guide, Rudolf, when the man felt a drop hit his nose. “I think it’s raining,” he said to his wife. “No, that felt more like snow to me,” she replied. “No, I’m sure it was just rain,” he said. Well, as these things go, they were about to have a major argument about whether it was raining or snowing. “Let’s not fight about it!” the man said. “Let’s ask our guide, Rudolf, whether it’s officially raining or snowing.” As their tour guide approached, the man said, “Tell us, Comrade Rudolf, is it officially raining or…
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How Many Dogs Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb?
Animal Jokes Dogs of Milpitas How would your dog react to a request to help change a light bulb? ROTTWEILER: Just one. You want to make something of it? DOBERMAN: Immediately decides to change the brand of light bulb and find a more efficient form of lighting — perhaps a fluorescent bulb. AUSTRALIAN SHEPHERD: One, but just “try” to convince him that the burned-out bulb is useless and should be thrown away. JACK RUSSELL TERRIER: Two, but the job never gets done — they just keep arguing about who is supposed to do it and how it’s supposed to be done! BULLDOG: Just one. But it takes them three years…
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Best Dinosaur Jokes Comedy Routine Ever!
This set of dinosaur jokes comedy routine could be read by two kids or a kid and an adult as a skit for a children’s group. Can a bad dinosaur comedian get a laugh? You bet Jurassican. How do you cheer up a blue Dilophosaurus? Tell him some dinosaur jokes! Why do museums have so many old dinosaur bones? Because they can’t find any new ones! Why do comedians tell so many old dinosaur jokes? Because they also can’t find any new ones! Why can’t they find new fossils or new jokes? They’re lazy bones! Why don’t they find a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? Such as a Thesaurus. That…
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Where Do Pets Come From?
Animal Jokes A newly discovered chapter in the Book of Genesis has provided the answer: “Where do pets come from?” Adam and Eve said, “Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you anymore. We are lonesome here and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us.” And God said, “No problem! I will create a companion for you that will be with you and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you…
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A Pastor entered his donkey in a race
Animal Jokes A Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again and it won again. The local paper read: PASTOR’S ASS OUT FRONT. The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race. The next day the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR’S ASS. This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Pastor to get rid of the donkey. The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby convent. The local paper,…
