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Tag: <span>Covid-19 Jokes</span>

Covid Jokes – Milpitas Mom’s Favorite Jokes

Are we there yet?
Dr. Fauci driving SUV with lots of kids yelling, “Are we there yet?” as approaching “Normal” lane marker.

Breaking News Joke
Women age 30-59 are most likely to carry CORONOVIRUS without symptoms!

Coronavirus Quarantine Travel Puns
You can’t say when this lockdown will be over, *Kenya*?

COVID advice for Geeks
COVID advice from Silicon Valley County Health Department, which has been sending out advice in many languages. Seems appropriate they also send it out in code!

Covid-19 BINGO
Usual BINGO rules, with this exception: If any game player sees someone sneeze or cough without a mask and into the open air, the game is over, and the player with most boxes covered wins that round.

Covid-19 is making me crack up!
Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem.

Covid Vaccine Memes
My mate got their covid vaccine yesterday and I can tell you the most prominent side effect is the inability to shut up about getting the covid vaccine.

Daily Affirmations to Avoid
One of the things we DO have control over is being more mindful of the types of messages and words we are repeating to ourselves. Our thoughts have a lot of power over us and directly impact how we feel.

Dating in the Time of Coronavirus
You’ve seen the events announcements here for online speed dating, right? So here’s how it works for these singles.

Highs and Lows of Wearing Face Masks
Due to the order to wear face masks, some humorous observations have been made.

I Will Survive, Coronavirus version for teachers going online
At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinking I could never teach through Canvas all the time
But then I spent so many nights reading the help docs for so long
And I grew strong
And I learned how to get along…

Legoland Discovery Center at Great Mall Reopening
Covid-19 Updates regarding the Lego Discovery Center at the Great Mall in Milpitas.

Licking Is Totally the Same as Hand-washing, Right?
Me: Why are your hands wet?
4 Year Old: I licked them.

Look, I don’t come into your home office and tell you to get out of the tub!
Cartoon.

Naked Truth about Covid-19 and Sheltering in Place
So we’re into our 5th month of defeating COVID-19. These words made me laugh but there’s a lot of truth mixed in to consider…

Neil Diamond vs CDC on Hands, Touching Hands
Neil Diamond: Hands,
CDC: Yes, wash them for at least 20 seconds.
Neil Diamond: touching hands,
CDC: No! Please don’t touch hands!

Quarantine Insights One-liners
Whose idea was it to sing “Happy Birthday” while washing your hands? Now every time I go to the bathroom, my kids expect me to walk out with a cake.

A Recap of the First Three Weeks with Covid-19
Here’s a recap of the last three weeks, courtesy of Peter Lengsfelder.
AMERICA: Oh my god! Coronavirus! What should we do?
CALIFORNIA: Shut down your state.

Relative Importance in 2020 So Far Graph Joke
The most accurate graph I’ve seen during this pandemic!

Science Explained By Children
What is Covonovirus? Explained to Kids by National Geographic: If you’ve been watching the news lately, chances are you’ll have heard lots about an illness that’s affecting people around the world, called coronavirus.

Stop complaining! You need to keep it on.
Dog grins at master wearing face mask.

T’was 3 weeks before Christmas
T’was 3 weeks before Christmas, And all through the town,
People wore masks, That covered their frown.

Where’s Waldo? Social Distancing Edition
“When I saw the cartoon today, it made me think of how the things we took for granted as a child back then are no longer considered “SAFE.”

William Shakespeare Gets His Covid Vaccine
William Shakespeare becomes the 2nd person to receive the Pfizer-BioNTech #COVID19 vaccine (outside of a trial) in Coventry, England.

Milpitas Mom’s Favorite Jokes

  • in Jokes

Covid Vaccine Memes

Covid Jokes

My mate got their covid vaccine yesterday and I can tell you the most prominent side effect is the inability to shut up about getting the covid vaccine.

Scientists looking at data for the Oxford Vaccine: “Might – MIGHT – increase risk of blood clots. Pause all use immediately!
Scientists looking at data about blood clots in women and the contraceptive pill over 60 years: Deal with it!
Deal With It

“I’m not getting a vaccine so they can microchip me!” says the man typing into his phone that tracks his every thought and constantly logs his location.

Christmas normally vs Christmas this year…
Christmas this year

The owners of Zoom reading that the Covid-19 vaccine may allow resumption of normal life.
Zoom Owner

Me celebrating what fun I’ll have after getting Covid Vaccine vs Me realizing the anti-vaxxers won’t get it, keeping the Covid virus spreading.
Me Celebrating

Introvert looking at the Vaccine knowing lockdown will end soon.
Introvert

Imagine being a scientist, studying for years, working even more, discovering a vaccine for a new disease, rigorously testing it, producing all the data, getting it through peer review, and then being told the public won’t trust it until they hear the phrase…
“Biggins is in!”
Biggins is in!

10 Myths About Coronavirus Vaccines
Separating fact from fiction when it comes to getting vaccinated against COVID-19.

En español | More than 245 million Americans have rolled up their sleeves for the coronavirus vaccines, but still a significant share of the eligible population (about 40 percent) is not fully vaccinated.

A big reason: False information spread online and in person has persuaded many people to skip the shot. In fact, a 2021 Kaiser Family Foundation report found about 80 percent of adults who say they will “definitely not” get the vaccine believe or are unsure about at least one prevailing COVID-19 vaccine myth. And a majority of adults (54 percent) either believe some rampant misinformation about the COVID-19 vaccines or are unable to debunk it.

Facts are especially important as new COVID-19 cases, hospitalizations and deaths climb throughout the U.S., driven largely by the highly contagious delta and omicron variants. Here are some common coronavirus vaccine myths and the truth behind each one.

A Milpitas Mom’s Favorite Joke.

  • in Jokes

Highs and Lows of Wearing Face Masks

Covid Jokes

Due to the order to wear face masks, some humorous observations have been made:

My gawd! Enough with the face mask selfies!

I’m wearing a bra today but as a face mask.

Ripping off your face mask when you get back in the car is the new taking off your bra when you get home.

An added benefit of wearing a mask is that men on the street no longer tell me to smile.

I was smiling at people the other day at the store until I realized I didn’t have to and it was a magical moment.

According to my bathroom scale, my face mask weighs about 7 pounds.

Shoutout to everybody who already burped into their own face via mask.

Ears
Everyone’s ears with their mask on.

I do NOT expect people to jog with their mask on, just to keep their distance. Can’t have people dropping like flies from their own morning breath.

My ears are currently carrying sunglasses, headphones, and a face mask. Ears are now a purse!

I wish I was smart enough to realize the worst idea is to carefully apply red lipstick before putting on a mask. Not one person saw my lipstick & when I took the mask off I look like I had feverishly blew someone I liked. Which brought up other feelings.

From now on I’m always going to wear a mask to the grocery store, I prefer a disguise when purchasing obscene amounts of junk food.

How will the world see my blush when i have a mask on?

“I’m not working out with a mask on” is my new favorite excuse for not working out.

COVID Parenting Tip: Train your children to loudly ask, “Why isn’t that person wearing a mask? Are we going to get sick?” when in public.

The upside about a face mask is it catches your snot when you’re outside and your nose is running because you forgot to take your antihistamine.

Do you think maskless runners in Manhattan look at toddlers wearing masks and think “Thank you for wearing a mask so I don’t have to?”

I keep seeing couples where the woman is wearing a face mask and the man isn’t, even in the supermarket. That’s all. Thank you for listening to my feminist manifesto.

me: *putting on mask*
wife: “heading out?”
me: “changing a diaper!”

I just removed my mask to sneeze into my sleeve. Am I doing this right?

When I wear my face mask I like to think I look like a ninja. A tired, stressed, and vacant eyed ninja.

I just find it funny that the same people who refuse to wear masks in public are the same ones who insist we cover our babies with a hot blanket to breast feed.

Every time I get pissed about everything happening I make masks.

I’ve never worn a mask before, and it’s becoming comfortable, like a warm blanket of stay-the-hell-away-from-me!

“To accommodate anti-maskers,” reads a store sign, “We have provided a space 40 feet west where you can stare at your reflection in the window since apparently you’re the only person you care about.”

A vintage store in Arizona is going viral for its ominous sign warning guests about wearing masks while inside. “If you choose not to wear a mask, we respectfully ask that you postpone your visit,” the sign reads. “We will be happy to debate the efficacy of masks with you when this is all over and you come in to sell your dead grandmother’s clothes.”


Jason Voorhees Returns to Manhattan In PSA Encouraging New Yorkers to Wear Masks

Masks and the delta variant
Experts are recommending wearing masks again, even for the vaccinated. Here’s why.

How to Guilt People into Wearing A Mask
Carttons from the New Yorker on July 2, 2020.

Shop these results for funny face mask and support Etsy’s one-of-a-kind creative community.
Sellers on Etsy with funny face masks.

Funny Face Masks on Amazon
Linked to Amazon Smile so your favorite charity will get some funds. Also added, Halloween face masks!

Spreading Smiles…Not Cooties: Personalized Masks Bring a Little Humor During Difficult Times
Inkjet Insight co-founder Mary Schilling describes how she used her digital printing skills to start a cottage industry making masks…with a little help from her friends.

Face Masks for Covid-19 Relief Made the Right Way
Video tutorials on how to make a very safe mask. From the Fabric Patch.

A Milpitas Mom’s Favorite Joke.

  • in Jokes

William Shakespeare Gets His Covid Vaccine

Covid Jokes

William Shakespeare becomes the 2nd person to receive the Pfizer-BioNTech #COVID19 vaccine (outside of a trial) in Coventry, England.

Shakespeare Gets His Covid Shot
Shakespeare not bad looking for 400+ years old. (Okay, he’s actually 81).

Nurse: Which arm?
WS: As you like it
Nurse: was that painful?
WS: Much ado about nothing.
Nurse: you will have to have a second jab.
WS: Measure for measure?
Nurse: so what do you think of the govt handling of Covid?
WS: Comedy of Errors.

Actually I heard the second person to get the vaccine was Christopher Marlowe but William Shakespeare took all the credit. Actually it was Sir Francis Bacon, and he allowed Shakespeare to take the credit.

All’s Well That Ends Well.

The Taming of the Flu

If Margaret Keenan is patient 1A for the vaccine, would William Shakespeare be 2B, or not 2B?And would the next person be Richard III?

Britain’s National Theatre even getting in on the joke:
Casting director: So what would you bring to the role of second patient? We want a sense of real drama and patriotism here.
Auditionee: I’m literally called William Shakespeare.
Casting director: Fair enough, the part’s yours.

A Milpitas Mom’s Favorite Joke.

  • in Jokes

T’was 3 weeks before Christmas

Twas a Month Before Christmas

Covid Jokes

T’was 3 weeks before Christmas,
And all through the town,
People wore masks,
That covered their frown.
The frown had begun
Way back in the Spring,
When a global pandemic
Changed everything.
They called it corona,
But unlike the beer,
It didn’t bring good times,
It didn’t bring cheer.
Airplanes were grounded,
Travel was banned.
Borders were closed
Across air, sea and land.
As the world entered lockdown
To flatten the curve,
The economy halted,
And folks lost their nerve.
From March to July
We rode the first wave,
People stayed home,
They tried to behave.
When summer emerged
The lockdown was lifted.
But away from caution,
Many folks drifted.
Now it’s December
And cases are spiking,
Wave two has arrived,
Much to our disliking.
It’s true that this year
Has had sadness a plenty,
We’ll never forget
The year 2020.
And just ‘round the corner –
The holiday season,
But why be merry?
Is there even one reason?
To decorate the house
And put up the tree,
Who will see it,
No one but me.
But outside my window
The snow gently falls,
And I think to myself,
Let’s deck the halls!
So, I gather the ribbon,
The garland and bows,
As I play those old carols,
My happiness grows.
Christmas is not cancelled
And neither is hope.
If we lean on each other,
I know we can cope

A Milpitas Mom’s Favorite Joke.

  • in Jokes

Where’s Waldo? Social Distancing Edition

Covid Jokes

Where's Waldo? Social Distancing Edition

“When I saw the cartoon today, it made me think of how the things we took for granted as a child back then are no longer considered “SAFE.” Not just from an environmental standpoint, but from simple things like social gatherings. I never thought I would live to see the day when the whole country would be in such a state of affairs as exists now with the COVID-19 virus.”

A Milpitas Mom’s Favorite Joke.

  • in Jokes
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