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Jokes – Milpitas Mom’s Favorites
My favorite jokes found online over the years. Some jokes given a Milpitas twist. Jokes By Topic Amazing Facts Animal Jokes Computing Jokes Covid Jokes Education Jokes Family Life Jokes Holiday Jokes Christmas Jokes Kids Jokes Men’s Jokes Milpitas Jokes Money Jokes On the Job Jokes Philosophical Jokes Political Jokes Religious Jokes Women Jokes Alphabetical List Advice For Married Women: Then and Now Just leave him a voice mail message regarding where you’d like to eat and at what time. Women Jokes The Addition Game – Will Muppet Win Trip to Milpitas? Video: If Muppet Harry Monster correctly guesses what 3+1 is, he will win a trip to Milpitas, California.…
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The turkey shot out of the oven
A Milpitas Mom’s Favorite Joke. By Jack Prelutsky To the tune of “My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean.” The turkey shot out of the oven and rocketed into the air, it knocked every plate off the table and partly demolished a chair. It ricocheted into a corner and burst with a deafening boom, then splattered all over the kitchen, completely obscuring the room. It stuck to the walls and the windows, it totally coated the floor, there was turkey attached to the ceiling, where there’d never been turkey before. It blanketed every appliance, It smeared every saucer and bowl, there wasn’t a way I could stop it, that turkey was…
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Fruit Cake Recipe
“Fruit cakes make ideal gifts because the Postal Service has been unable to find a way to damage a fruit cake.” – Dave Barry Real Fruit Cake Recipes BelowCalifornia Recipes on Go MilpitasNote to those wondering why a “booze” joke is on a homeschool site You’ll need the following: a cup of water (A history of the Hetch Hetchy.) a cup of sugar (A history of sugar cane.) four large brown eggs two cups of dried fruit a teaspoon of salt a cup of brown sugar lemon from your neighbor’s tree nuts from last walnut grove on Piedmont Rd. a bottle of whiskey. Sample the whiskey to check for quality. Take a large bowl. Put it down somewhere. Check the whiskey again. To be sure it’s…
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Holiday Jokes – Milpitas Mom’s Favorite Jokes
Christmas Jokes Halloween Jokes Thanksgiving Halloween Jokes Halloween Riddles About a 100 Halloween Riddles to tickle your Funny Bone. Is everyone ok? Everyone check on your friends. We have a rider down. 20 Ways To Confuse Trick-Or-Treaters Give away something other than candy. (Toothpicks, golf balls, bags of sand, etc.) Thanksgiving Jokes The turkey shot out of the oven The turkey shot out of the oven and rocketed into the air, it knocked every plate off the table and partly demolished a chair. Milpitas Mom’s Favorite Jokes
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Christmas Riddles, Puns and Jokes
Animal Jokes Milpitas Mom’s favorite Christmas riddles, puns, and jokes. What do reindeer say before they tell a joke? This will sleigh you. Why was the elf afraid of being in a small room with Santa? He was Claus-trophobic. What is Santa’s primary language? North Polish. What do you call Santa’s helpers? Subordinate Clauses. James Fenimore Cooper wrote about the life of Santa Claus. It is titled The Deer Sleigher. Where does Santa go swimming? The North Pool. How do Santa and Mrs. Claus get around? On an icicle built for two. What does Santa like best about gardening? He loves to Ho, Ho, Hoe! Which elf sings “Love me…
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Rudolf, The Red, Knows Rain, Dear
Animal Jokes A Milpitas couple was being shown around Moscow one day, by their communist guide, Rudolf, when the man felt a drop hit his nose. “I think it’s raining,” he said to his wife. “No, that felt more like snow to me,” she replied. “No, I’m sure it was just rain,” he said. Well, as these things go, they were about to have a major argument about whether it was raining or snowing. “Let’s not fight about it!” the man said. “Let’s ask our guide, Rudolf, whether it’s officially raining or snowing.” As their tour guide approached, the man said, “Tell us, Comrade Rudolf, is it officially raining or…
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T’was 3 weeks before Christmas
Covid Jokes T’was 3 weeks before Christmas, And all through the town, People wore masks, That covered their frown. The frown had begun Way back in the Spring, When a global pandemic Changed everything. They called it corona, But unlike the beer, It didn’t bring good times, It didn’t bring cheer. Airplanes were grounded, Travel was banned. Borders were closed Across air, sea and land. As the world entered lockdown To flatten the curve, The economy halted, And folks lost their nerve. From March to July We rode the first wave, People stayed home, They tried to behave. When summer emerged The lockdown was lifted. But away from caution, Many…
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Web Addiction Holiday Sing Along
Computing Jokes (Sung to the tune of “Winter Wonderland”) Doorbell rings, I’m not list’nin’, From my mouth, drool is glist’nin’, I’m happy — although My boss let me go — Happily addicted to the Web. All night long, I sit clicking, Unaware time is ticking, There’s beard on my cheek, Same clothes for a week, Happily addicted to the Web! Friends come by; they shake me, Saying, “Yo, man! Don’t you know tonight’s the senior prom?” With a listless shrug, I mutter; I say “No, man; I just discovered gomilpitas-dot-com!” I don’t phone, don’t send texts, Don’t go out, don’t pay taxes, Who cares if someday They drag me away?…
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Santa’s Workshop Bought By Bill Gates – 2020 Version
‘Twas the night before Christmas, When all through the house The computer was humming, the icons were hopping, As Papa did last-minute Internet shopping. The stockings were hung by the modem with care In hope that St. Nicholas would bring new software. The children were nestled all snug in their beds, While visions of computer games danced in their heads. Ghostrunner for Billy, and Control for Dan, And Disneyland Adventures for Pamela Ann. The letters to Santa had been sent out by Mom, To santaclaus@toyshop.northpole.com Which has now been re-routed to Washington State Because Santa’s workshop has been bought by Bill Gates. All the elves and reindeer have had to…
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Santa’s Prayer
The sleigh was all packed, the reindeer were fed, But Santa still knelt by the side of the bed. “Dear Father”, he prayed “Be with me tonight, There’s much work to do and my schedule is tight. I must jump in my sleigh and streak through the sky, Knowing full well that a reindeer can’t fly. I will visit each household before the first light, I’ll cover the world and all in one night. With sleigh bells a-ringing, I’ll land on each roof, Amid the soft clatter of each little hoof. To get in the house is the difficult part, So I’ll slide down the chimney of each child’s heart.…
