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Jokes – Milpitas Mom’s Favorites
My favorite jokes found online over the years. Some jokes given a Milpitas twist. Jokes By Topic Amazing Facts Animal Jokes Computing Jokes Covid Jokes Education Jokes Family Life Jokes Holiday Jokes Christmas Jokes Kids Jokes Men’s Jokes Milpitas Jokes Money Jokes On the Job Jokes Philosophical Jokes Political Jokes Religious Jokes Women Jokes Alphabetical List Advice For Married Women: Then and Now Just leave him a voice mail message regarding where you’d like to eat and at what time. Women Jokes The Addition Game – Will Muppet Win Trip to Milpitas? Video: If Muppet Harry Monster correctly guesses what 3+1 is, he will win a trip to Milpitas, California.…
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Philosophical Jokes – Milpitas Mom’s Favorite Jokes
Daily Affirmations to Avoid As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I can get in touch with my Inner Sociopath. Forgetful Poem My forgetter’s getting better, But my rememberer is broke. To you that may seem funny but, To me, that is no joke. Kurt Vonnegut’s Commencement Address At MIT Ladies and gentlemen of the class of ’97: Wear sunscreen. Philosophy of Life You don’t stop laughing because you grow old; you grow old because you stop laughing. A Round Tuit Are you always saying you’ll get around to it? Well, here’s a *round tuit* for you. Seven Wonders of the World A group of Geography students were…
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Were you a kid in the Fifties or so?
Philosopical Jokes Everybody makes fun of our childhood! Comedians joke. Grandkids snicker. Twenty-something’s shudder and say “Eeeew!” But was our childhood really all that bad? Judge for yourself: – In 1953 The US population was less than 150 million… Yet you knew more people then, and knew them better… And that was good. – The average annual salary was under $3,000… Yet our parents could put some of it away for a rainy day and still live a decent life… And that was good. – A loaf of bread cost about 15 cents… But it was safe for a five-year-old to skate to the store and buy one… And that…
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Philosophy of Life
Philosopical Jokes Life is an endless struggle, full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hair stylist you like. The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. Time may be a great healer, but it’s also a lousy beautician. Brain cells come and go, but fat cells live forever. Life not only begins at forty, it begins to show. You don’t stop laughing because you grow old; you grow old because you stop laughing. It is bad to suppress laughter; it goes back down and spreads to…
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Thoughts for the Day
Philosopical Jokes Thoughts to ponder as you begin your day…or at the end of a day when nothing much made sense. Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway. Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement. There are two kinds of pedestrians — the quick and the dead. Life is sexually transmitted. An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys. If quitters…
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Maxims to Share
A Milpitas Mom’s Favorite Joke.
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Daily Affirmations to Avoid
Covid Jokes & Philosopical Jokes As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I can get in touch with my Inner Sociopath. I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia. I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else’s fault. I no longer need to punish, deceive or compromise myself. Unless, of course, I want to stay employed. In some cultures what I do would be considered normal. Having control over myself is nearly as good as having control over others. My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of good judgment. I honor my personality flaws, for…
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How Poor We Really Are
Money Jokes & Amazing Facts One day a wealthy family man took his son on a trip to the country so he could have his son see how poor country people were. They stayed one night and one day in the farm of a very humble farm house. At the end of the trip and back home the father asked the son, “What did you think of the trip?” The son replied, “Very nice, Dad.” Father: “Did you notice how poor they were?” Son: “Yes.” Father: “What did you learn?” Son: “I learned that we have one dog in the house and they have four. We have a fountain in…
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Samuel Goldwyn’s Silly Quotations
Philosopical Jokes Samuel Goldwyn: Legendary movie producer: (1882-1974) Samuel Goldwyn was known for his misuse of the English language. Here are some of my favorite Goldwynisms: “An oral contract isn’t worth the paper it’s written on.” “Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.” “I had a great idea this morning, but I didn’t like it.” “Gentlemen, include me out.” “A hospital is no place to be sick.” “If I could drop dead right now, I’d be the happiest man alive.” “I read part of it all the way through.” “If I look confused it’s because I’m thinking.” “That’s the trouble with directors. Always biting the…
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Seven Wonders of the World
A group of Geography students were asked to list what they considered to be the Seven Wonders of the World. Though there was some disagreement, the following got the most votes: 1. Egypt’s Great Pyramids 2. Taj Mahal 3. Grand Canyon 4. Panama Canal 5. Empire State Building 6. St. Peter’s Basilica 7. China’s Great Wall While gathering the votes, the teacher noticed one student, a quiet girl, hadn’t turned in her paper. So she asked the girl if she was having trouble with her list. The quiet girl replied, “Yes, a little. I couldn’t quite make up my mind because there were so many.” The teacher said, “Well, tell…
