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In My Next Life I Want To Be A Bear
Animal Jokes In my next life I want to be a bear. If you’re a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that. Before you hibernate, you’re supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that, too. If you’re a bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you’re sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that. If you’re a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too. I could deal…
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Jokes – Milpitas Mom’s Favorites
My favorite jokes found online over the years. Some jokes given a Milpitas twist. Jokes By Topic Amazing Facts Animal Jokes Computing Jokes Covid Jokes Education Jokes Family Life Jokes Holiday Jokes Christmas Jokes Kids Jokes Men’s Jokes Milpitas Jokes Money Jokes On the Job Jokes Philosophical Jokes Political Jokes Religious Jokes Women Jokes Alphabetical List Advice For Married Women: Then and Now Just leave him a voice mail message regarding where you’d like to eat and at what time. Women Jokes The Addition Game – Will Muppet Win Trip to Milpitas? Video: If Muppet Harry Monster correctly guesses what 3+1 is, he will win a trip to Milpitas, California.…
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Family Life Jokes – Milpitas Mom’s Favorite Jokes
Apartment Hunting With A Large Family Father figures out how to get apartment even though he has a large family. Being A Parent Being a parent is like being pecked to death by a duck. How Poor We Really Are One day a wealthy family man took his son on a trip to the country so he could have his son see how poor country people were. Licking Is Totally the Same as Hand-washing, Right? Me: Did you wash your hands? 4-year-old: No. Me: Why are your hands wet? Mr. Nobody I know a funny little man, as quiet as a mouse, who does the mischief that is done in…
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Recipe For Doing the Family Wash
Written in its original spelling for a bride a few generations ago. bild a fire in back yard to heet kettle of rain water. set tubs so smoke won’t blow in eyes if wind is pert. shave one hold cake lie sope in bilin water. sort things, make three piles. 1 pile white. 1 pile cullord. 1 pile work britches and rags. stur flour in cold water to smooth, then thin down with bilin water. rub dirty spots on board, scrub hard, then bile, rub collord, but don’t bile – just rench & starch. take white things out of kettle with broom stick handle, then rench, blew, and starch. spred…
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Milpitan Vacations in Rome
A Milpitan walked in to The Park Victoria Barber Shop for his regular haircut. As he snips away, Anthony asks “What’s up?” The Milpitan proceeds to explain he’s taking a vacation to Rome. “ROME?!” Anthony says, “Why would you want to go there? It’s a crowded dirty city full of Italians! You’d be crazy to go to Rome! So how ya getting there?” “We’re taking TWA,” the Milpitan replies. “TWA?!” yells Anthony. “They’re a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly and they’re always late! So where you staying in Rome?” The Milpitan says “We’ll be at the downtown International Marriot.” “That DUMP?!” says Anthony. “That’s…
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The turkey shot out of the oven
A Milpitas Mom’s Favorite Joke. By Jack Prelutsky To the tune of “My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean.” The turkey shot out of the oven and rocketed into the air, it knocked every plate off the table and partly demolished a chair. It ricocheted into a corner and burst with a deafening boom, then splattered all over the kitchen, completely obscuring the room. It stuck to the walls and the windows, it totally coated the floor, there was turkey attached to the ceiling, where there’d never been turkey before. It blanketed every appliance, It smeared every saucer and bowl, there wasn’t a way I could stop it, that turkey was…
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Women Jokes – Milpitas Mom’s Favorite Jokes
Advice For Married Women: Then and Now Just leave him a voice mail message regarding where you’d like to eat and at what time. Buying Swimwear I have just been through the annual pilgrimage of torture and humiliation known as buying a bathing costume. How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb? ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Mom Song Mom’s Song and Teen’s Answer What a mom says in 24 hours, condensed into 2 minutes and 55 seconds. Sung to the William Tell Overture, by Anita Renfroe. The Mommy Test How do mommys know all those things? Mother’s Dictionary…
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Fruit Cake Recipe
“Fruit cakes make ideal gifts because the Postal Service has been unable to find a way to damage a fruit cake.” – Dave Barry Real Fruit Cake Recipes BelowCalifornia Recipes on Go MilpitasNote to those wondering why a “booze” joke is on a homeschool site You’ll need the following: a cup of water (A history of the Hetch Hetchy.) a cup of sugar (A history of sugar cane.) four large brown eggs two cups of dried fruit a teaspoon of salt a cup of brown sugar lemon from your neighbor’s tree nuts from last walnut grove on Piedmont Rd. a bottle of whiskey. Sample the whiskey to check for quality. Take a large bowl. Put it down somewhere. Check the whiskey again. To be sure it’s…
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Milpitas Role in Telecom History
After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year outside of Buffalo, New York scientists found traces of copper cable dating back 120 years. They came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago. Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, a Wheeling WV archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet somewhere just outside Woodsdale. Shortly after, a story in the The Intelligencer read, “WV archaeologists, reporting a finding of 200 year old copper cable, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the…
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Fishermen Catch A Mermaid
Three dads from Milpitas were out having a relaxing day fishing at Spring Lake, in Ed Levin County Park, when one of them hooks something big, and when his buddies help him haul it in, they discover it’s a mermaid. She begs to be set free and promises to grant each of them one wish in return. The UCSC Extension professor just doesn’t believe it and says: “Ok, if you can really grant wishes, then double my I.Q.” The mermaid says: “Done.” Suddenly, he starts reciting Shakespeare flawlessly and analyzing it with extreme insight. The Stellartech scientist is so amazed he says to the mermaid: “Triple my I.Q.” The mermaid…
