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I Will Survive, Coronavirus version for teachers going online
Covid Jokes Lyrics by Michael Bruening View video here. At first I was afraid, I was petrified Kept thinking I could never teach through Canvas all the time But then I spent so many nights reading the help docs for so long And I grew strong And I learned how to get along And so I’m back Students are gone As all my colleagues try to figure out how they’re gonna get along I should have kept up with the tech, not skipped that class on course design If I’d known for just one second I’d be teaching all-online Go on now, go, leave me alone I’ve got to figure…
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Daily Affirmations to Avoid
Covid Jokes & Philosopical Jokes As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I can get in touch with my Inner Sociopath. I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia. I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else’s fault. I no longer need to punish, deceive or compromise myself. Unless, of course, I want to stay employed. In some cultures what I do would be considered normal. Having control over myself is nearly as good as having control over others. My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of good judgment. I honor my personality flaws, for…
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Relative Importance in 2020 So Far Graph Joke
Amazing Facts & Covid Jokes The most accurate graph I’ve seen during this pandemic! A Milpitas Mom’s Favorite Joke.
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Next “Survivor” Show
Have you heard about the next planned “survivor” show? 6 men will be dropped on an island with 1 van and 4 kids for 6 weeks. Each kid plays 2 sports and either takes music or dance classes and there is no access to fast food. Each man must take care of his 4 kids, keep his assigned home clean, correct all homework, complete science projects, cook, do laundry, etc. The men only have access to TV when the kids are asleep and all chores are done. There is only 1 TV between them and no remote. The men must shave their legs and wear make-up daily, which they must…
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Installing Love
Computing Jokes Customer Service Rep: Can you install LOVE? Customer: I can do that. I’m not very technical, but I think I am ready to install now. What do I do first? CS Rep: The first step is to open your HEART. Have you located your HEART ma’am? Customer: Yes I have, but there are several programs running right now. Is it okay to install while they are running? CS Rep: What programs are running ma’am? Customer: Let me see….I have PASTHURT.EXE, LOWESTEEM.EXE, GRUDGE.EXE,and RESENTMENT.COM running right now. CS Rep: No problem. LOVE will automatically erase PASTHURT.EXE from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but…
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Retirement Through the Eyes of a Child
After a spring break, a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent the holidays. One child wrote the following: “We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live here in a big brick house, but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Milpitas. Now they live in a place with a lot of other retarded people. They live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass. They ride around on big tricycles and wear name tags because they don’t know who they are anymore. They go to a building called a wrecked center, but they must have got…
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How Poor We Really Are
Money Jokes & Amazing Facts One day a wealthy family man took his son on a trip to the country so he could have his son see how poor country people were. They stayed one night and one day in the farm of a very humble farm house. At the end of the trip and back home the father asked the son, “What did you think of the trip?” The son replied, “Very nice, Dad.” Father: “Did you notice how poor they were?” Son: “Yes.” Father: “What did you learn?” Son: “I learned that we have one dog in the house and they have four. We have a fountain in…
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Naked Truth about Covid-19 and Sheltering in Place
Covid Jokes So we’re into our 5th month of defeating COVID-19. These words made me laugh but there’s a lot of truth mixed in to consider. . . 1. So let me get this straight, there’s no cure for a virus that can be killed by sanitizer and hand soap? 2. Is it too early to put up the Christmas tree yet? I have run out of things to do. 3. When this virus thing is over with, I still want some of you to stay away from me. 4. If these last months have taught us anything, it’s that stupidity travels faster than any virus on the planet, particularly…
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What Does The Frog Say?
Animal Jokes A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter: Mother: “Great! What does the cat say?” Child: “Meow.” Mother: “What does the cow say?” Child: “Moo!” Mother: “Oh, you’re so smart! What does the frog say?” And this wide-eyed little 3 yr. old looked up at her mother and in her deepest voice replied, “BUD.” [Note: the “BUD” link goes to an article about how the Budweiser Beer Company is aiming their advertising at kids, even as young as 3 years old!] A Milpitas Mom’s Favorite Joke
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A Milpitas Cowboy’s Guide to Life
Animal Jokes Don’t squat with your spurs on. Don’t interfere with something that ain’t botherin’ you none. Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance. The easiest way to eat crow is while it’s still warm. The colder it gets, the harder it is to swaller. If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin’. If it don’t seem like it’s worth the effort, it probably ain’t. It don’t take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep. The biggest troublemaker you’ll probably ever have to deal with watches you shave his face in the mirror…
