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Rudolf, The Red, Knows Rain, Dear
Animal Jokes A Milpitas couple was being shown around Moscow one day, by their communist guide, Rudolf, when the man felt a drop hit his nose. “I think it’s raining,” he said to his wife. “No, that felt more like snow to me,” she replied. “No, I’m sure it was just rain,” he said. Well, as these things go, they were about to have a major argument about whether it was raining or snowing. “Let’s not fight about it!” the man said. “Let’s ask our guide, Rudolf, whether it’s officially raining or snowing.” As their tour guide approached, the man said, “Tell us, Comrade Rudolf, is it officially raining or…
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Pledge of Allegiance
I decided it was time to see how well my seven year old daughter knew the Pledge of Allegiance. We had been to many events that said the pledge at the beginning, but I wasn’t sure how well she knew it. So to begin, I said a phrase and she would repeat it back to me. By the end we were saying it together and she finished with, “…one nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all… You may be seated.” I guess we need some work on this!!!!!!!! — Contributed by Tom Jollie Does your youngster have a unique way of saying the Pledge or any country’s…
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Highs and Lows of Wearing Face Masks
Covid Jokes Due to the order to wear face masks, some humorous observations have been made: My gawd! Enough with the face mask selfies! I’m wearing a bra today but as a face mask. Ripping off your face mask when you get back in the car is the new taking off your bra when you get home. An added benefit of wearing a mask is that men on the street no longer tell me to smile. I was smiling at people the other day at the store until I realized I didn’t have to and it was a magical moment. According to my bathroom scale, my face mask weighs about…
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Milpitas High School Teacher Arrested at San Jose Airport
A Milpitas high school teacher was arrested today at Norman Y. Mineta San Jose International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator. At a press conference, Mayor Rich Tran said he believes the man is a member of the notorious extremist Al-Gebra movement. Al-Gebra is a terrorist movement headed by Osum Bin Adden, which has reportedly infiltrated American schools. It began at the undergraduate level and has spread to secondary schools, according to US Attorney General John Ashcroft. Favored targets are said to include homomorphics and people living in polynomial relationships. Academics dismiss the…
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Housework Training Courses Now Available For Men
Introduction to Common Household Objects I: The Mop Introduction to Common Household Objects II: The Sponge Dressing Up: Beyond the Funeral and the Wedding Refrigerator Forensics: Identifying and Removing the Dead Design Pattern or Splatter Stain on the Linoleum?: You CAN Tell the Difference! Accepting Loss -I: If It’s Empty, You Can Throw It Away Accepting Loss -II: If the Milk Expired Three Weeks Ago, Keeping It In the Refrigerator Won’t Bring It Back Going to the Supermarket: It’s Not Just for Women Anymore! Recycling Skills I: Boxes that the Electronics Came In Recycling Skills II: Styrofoam that Came in the Boxes that the Electronics Came In Bathroom Etiquette I:…
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The Origin of the Internet
Computing Jokes An old, bearded shepherd with a crooked staff walked up to a stone pulpit and said, “And lo, it came to pass that the trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot.” And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she had been called Amazon Dot Com. And she said unto Abraham, her husband, “Why doth thou travel far, from town to town, with thy goods when thou can trade without ever leaving thy tent?” And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of…
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How many HR Staff Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb?
One actual HR staff member to change the light bulb. The second to assess the risk of the light bulb changing process. A third to ensure the light bulb changing process adheres to the internal compliance regime for health and safety during light bulb changes. A fourth to ensure that the internal purchase order procedures have been adhered with for light bulb change orders. A fifth to audit the supply of the light bulb following the internal purchase order procedure. A sixth to report back to the compliance and risk functions that the supply and audit divisions had complied with the light bulb change risk and compliance procedures. A seventh…
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Thoughts for the Day
Philosopical Jokes Thoughts to ponder as you begin your day…or at the end of a day when nothing much made sense. Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway. Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement. There are two kinds of pedestrians — the quick and the dead. Life is sexually transmitted. An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys. If quitters…
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How Many Dogs Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb?
Animal Jokes Dogs of Milpitas How would your dog react to a request to help change a light bulb? ROTTWEILER: Just one. You want to make something of it? DOBERMAN: Immediately decides to change the brand of light bulb and find a more efficient form of lighting — perhaps a fluorescent bulb. AUSTRALIAN SHEPHERD: One, but just “try” to convince him that the burned-out bulb is useless and should be thrown away. JACK RUSSELL TERRIER: Two, but the job never gets done — they just keep arguing about who is supposed to do it and how it’s supposed to be done! BULLDOG: Just one. But it takes them three years…
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How to Pronounce Milpitas, includes pronunciation video
Milpitas Jokes A man and his wife were driving their Recreational Vehicle across California and were nearing a town spelled Milpitas. They noted the strange spelling and tried to figure how to pronounce it – MIL-pit-as; Mil-pit-ASS; Mil-PEET-us? They grew more perplexed as they drove into the town. Since they were hungry, they pulled into a place to get something to eat. At the counter, the man said to the waitress: “My wife and I can’t seem to be able to figure out how to pronounce this place. Will you tell me where we are and say it very slowly so that I can understand.” The waitress looked at him…
