Amazing Facts – Milpitas Mom’s Favorite Jokes
All the Urban Legends Rolled Into One
No need to read all those other urban legends, etc. ever again. Here they are, all in one.
Biggest Lies
Campaign financing has nothing to do with how I vote.
Breaking News Joke
Women age 30-59 are most likely to carry CORONOVIRUS without symptoms! The local spas and wineries are the designated local quarantine centers.
Camping With Sherlock Holmes
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip in the Sunol Regional Wilderness. As they lay down for the night, Holmes said: “Watson, look up into the sky and tell me what you see.”
Coronavirus Quarantine Travel Puns
*Oman*, I really can’t wait to *Rome* around. *Venice* this going to get over? You can’t say when this lockdown will be over, *Kenya*? This *Spain* is real.
Densa IQ Test
You’ve heard of MENSA the group for geniuses with IQ’s of 140 and above?
Determining the Height of a Tall Building
Show how it is possible to determine the height of a tall building with the aid of a barometer.
Everyday Maxims
Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
Excellent Advice I’ve Learned From Watching Scary Movies
When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it’s really dead.
How Poor We Really Are
One day a wealthy family man took his son on a trip to the country so he could have his son see how poor country people were.
Kids Talk About God & Their Mother
Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1.- We’re related.
2.- God knew she likes me a lot more than other people’s moms like me.
New Vocabulary Words
Arachnoleptic fit (n.) The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.
Other People
Have you ever thought any of these statement ever applied to “other people” who were not like you?
Put on your groaning face…. More puns.
More puns-A pun has not completely matured until it is full groan. How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it. Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!
Relative Importance in 2020 So Far
The most accurate graph I’ve seen during this pandemic!
Rules for Writing the Blues
Blues can take place in New York City but not in Milpitas or any place in Canada. Hard times in Milpitas or Mountain View is probably just clinical depression.
Science Explained By Children
Genetics explain why you look like your father and if you don’t why you should.
Short History of Medicine
I have an earache: 2000 B.C. -Here, eat this root.
Signs You’ve Had Too Much Java
Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
US Standard Railroad Gauge
The US standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 ft 8 1/2 in (1.44 m). That’s an exceedingly odd number.
Value of Time
To realize the value of ONE YEAR, ask a student who has failed his exam.
Warnings & Instructions
On a package of bread-pudding mix: Product will be hot after heating.
Ways to Really Annoy Telemarketers
If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.